Making your body the solution...
Wow...the last post elicited a lot of off-line discussion and, let's face it, feelings about our *body issues* are often times lurking right under the surface. And conversations about body issues can be difficult because not everyone shares the same *problems* or *issues* but I think it's safe to say that many of us struggle and we probably have more in common than we might think. Unless you are in a room full of runners and you are most decidedly NOT a runner. That happened last Wednesday at a nutrition seminar I attended but, still, I'm pretty fit and care about exercise and so do the runners. And we had a lot of the same questions about nutrition so, see? Common ground.
Which brings me to the solutions part. What is the solution, exactly? How do you get there? What happens when you get "there"? Where is "there"? Okay, here's the thing. "There" doesn't really exist as an end point. Like, oh, I lost X pounds and wore that cute black dress to my high school reunion/wore a tankini in Hawaii/looked good on my wedding day and now I'm done. "There" is every day, eating as healthfully as possible, being active and not getting down on yourself for not looking like someone you saw on the front cover of a magazine. The good news is that every day you get another chance to do the right thing by your body and eat right, get some exercise and try not to get overly stressed. The bad news is that sometimes that is very hard. And when you are in a stressful time period, say in school or working on some crazy project at work or taking care of ailing parents or whatever, it is really hard to do the things we know are good for us. But that's life. Life is frequently complicated and hard and you find yourself managing the chaos some days better than others. That being said, here's what I've found to be helpful along the way:
* Remember that magazine covers are photoshopped--extensively
* Remember that the people on said covers are usually celebrities with wads of cash to spend on personal trainers and chefs and, whatever, their job is to look good, ergo they work out a lot and eat lots of brown rice and 4 oz of boneless, skinless chicken breast dinners (the exception being "fitness models" who also work out a lot but are not necessarily celebrities)
* Remember that even celebrities with spectacular bodies are photoshopped
* Find exercise/activities that you enjoy so you'll be more likely to want to do them and be active
* Even if you can't afford/don't want to join a gym, you can use workout DVDs at home with some hand weights, resistance bands and a squishy yoga mat if you have hardwood floors. That's what I did and I'm still doing it. It's pretty cheap ($10 for a DVD from amazon.com) and you can work out in the privacy of your own home
* The library often has workout DVDs you can check out to see if you like them enough to buy them and there are free workouts and videos on the internets
* Practice mindful eating which means limit distractions (this is difficult, I know, and I am a hard-core newspaper reader while I eat), take 20 minutes to eat (yes, 20 minutes) and cook as many whole foods as you can in your own kitchen
* Ignore the hype about super foods, supplements, blah, blah, blah. It's a lot of marketing and usually not a lot of good science. Eat a well-balanced diet with lots of food diversity and generally you'll be okay. This advice obviously does not apply to those trying to conceive, currently pregnant or breast feeding, immune compromised or under a doctor's supervision for a health problem.
* Read the labels of every single item you put in your grocery cart. Minimally processed foods are best
* Read up. I recommend Marion Nestle, Spark People and reputable websites run by the NIH and Mayo Clinic
* Pat yourself on the back. Repeat
5.17.2010
My body is not the problem...
It is the solution. It's my new mantra and it's one that I have to repeat often. For so long I have regarded my body as a "frenemy" and it's not working out anymore. In fact, it's just down right self-defeating.
The thing is, I've been doing all the right things: eating well-balanced and nutritious meals, getting plenty of exercise and taking in plenty of fluids. Many years ago when I first did Wt Watchers, I cut down on soda (diet soda tastes disgusting so I wasn't even going to go there) and stopped taking sugar in my coffee. And I started putting more thought into what I put in my mouth. And over the next few years I lost about 5 more lbs beyond my goal weight and stayed at that weight for a long time. Somewhere in there I started eating a mostly vegetarian diet, and I say "mostly" because bacon was my downfall nearly every time. Mmmmm.... bacon.
In 2008 we moved to CA and I had my choice of fabulous produce that was freshly picked and displayed so tantalizingly at the weekly farmers markets. We ate even more veg and fruit and it was all so good for us. That December I decided to make exercising a regular part of my weekly activities and have managed to stick with it ever since. I do mostly low-fat cooking at home (along with some rather tasty full-fat baking on occasion) and we have continued to follow a mostly vegetarian diet. I started engaging in mindful eating and investigating the cause of a hunger pang--am I thirsty (the hypothalamus regulates both hunger and thirst and your body may interpret a signal for more fluids as hunger), am I hungry or am I bored?--before automatically assuming I'm hungry. I serve myself appropriate portion sizes on smaller plates and in smaller bowls so that I know I'm not putting more food in the vessel to merely fill up the space available. Also, I know that if it's on the plate I'll eat it so I have to be mindful when I'm at a restaurant or, good lord, Chipotle.
So, I've done all of these things and I've lost a good bit of weight and buffed up some muscles. And yet I'm never happy with the result. Even though my scale shows a number that I don't ever remember seeing (I swear I was just jumped from little kid sizes to size 10 in the juniors dept) and I'm wearing smalls and mediums and a pants size that I NEVER thought I would see, I'm still not happy. All I see is the poochy part of my lower abdomen or the saddle bags or the droopy boobs and I don't see the muscles that allow me to live an active life. And that is not cool.
So I decided that I was not going to let myself focus on the various fat deposits that remain and instead try to enjoy what I do have. I have a strong body that can run down a tennis ball like nobody's business, that can play two hours of tennis and then go home and do hours of yard work (I was exhausted by the end) and that looks pretty cute in clothes*. And I'm going to keep on doing the good things and try to focus less on what I can't do or what I don't look like and instead focus on all that I can do. Which is a lot. Thank you, body of mine, for doing such a good job. Keep up the good work (gives self a pat on the back).
*droopy boobs notwithstanding. Seriously, WTF? Thank god for push-up bras, is all I can say.
It is the solution. It's my new mantra and it's one that I have to repeat often. For so long I have regarded my body as a "frenemy" and it's not working out anymore. In fact, it's just down right self-defeating.
The thing is, I've been doing all the right things: eating well-balanced and nutritious meals, getting plenty of exercise and taking in plenty of fluids. Many years ago when I first did Wt Watchers, I cut down on soda (diet soda tastes disgusting so I wasn't even going to go there) and stopped taking sugar in my coffee. And I started putting more thought into what I put in my mouth. And over the next few years I lost about 5 more lbs beyond my goal weight and stayed at that weight for a long time. Somewhere in there I started eating a mostly vegetarian diet, and I say "mostly" because bacon was my downfall nearly every time. Mmmmm.... bacon.
In 2008 we moved to CA and I had my choice of fabulous produce that was freshly picked and displayed so tantalizingly at the weekly farmers markets. We ate even more veg and fruit and it was all so good for us. That December I decided to make exercising a regular part of my weekly activities and have managed to stick with it ever since. I do mostly low-fat cooking at home (along with some rather tasty full-fat baking on occasion) and we have continued to follow a mostly vegetarian diet. I started engaging in mindful eating and investigating the cause of a hunger pang--am I thirsty (the hypothalamus regulates both hunger and thirst and your body may interpret a signal for more fluids as hunger), am I hungry or am I bored?--before automatically assuming I'm hungry. I serve myself appropriate portion sizes on smaller plates and in smaller bowls so that I know I'm not putting more food in the vessel to merely fill up the space available. Also, I know that if it's on the plate I'll eat it so I have to be mindful when I'm at a restaurant or, good lord, Chipotle.
So, I've done all of these things and I've lost a good bit of weight and buffed up some muscles. And yet I'm never happy with the result. Even though my scale shows a number that I don't ever remember seeing (I swear I was just jumped from little kid sizes to size 10 in the juniors dept) and I'm wearing smalls and mediums and a pants size that I NEVER thought I would see, I'm still not happy. All I see is the poochy part of my lower abdomen or the saddle bags or the droopy boobs and I don't see the muscles that allow me to live an active life. And that is not cool.
So I decided that I was not going to let myself focus on the various fat deposits that remain and instead try to enjoy what I do have. I have a strong body that can run down a tennis ball like nobody's business, that can play two hours of tennis and then go home and do hours of yard work (I was exhausted by the end) and that looks pretty cute in clothes*. And I'm going to keep on doing the good things and try to focus less on what I can't do or what I don't look like and instead focus on all that I can do. Which is a lot. Thank you, body of mine, for doing such a good job. Keep up the good work (gives self a pat on the back).
*droopy boobs notwithstanding. Seriously, WTF? Thank god for push-up bras, is all I can say.
5.11.2010
Date night with the Tall Man and a trip down memory lane...
And, hey, I changed my template and background! What think ye, dear internets?
So, the Tall Man decided we should have a proper date night: dinner and movie. We haven't done that in a while. Not that we don't like to go out to dinner or go see movies but I like cooking at home and most of the time there aren't any movies we want to see.
Well, it just so happened there was a movie we wanted to see so we got in the car, went for some tasty mexican food by the theater and then we saw Date Night. Oh, lord, it was funny. I heart Tina Fey and Steve Carrell! But before the movie started, they showed the requisite 20 minutes of previews, one of which for for the A-Team. And all the kiddies sitting near us are in high school and have absolutely no recollection of when the A-Team was a tv show and Mr. T said "I pity the fool..." This suddenly makes me feel old. But whatever, maybe this movie will be good because it has Liam Neeson and, well, it has to be decent, right? Liam Neeson!
And then the movie starts. They make various pop culture references like "Long Duk Dong" from 16 Candles and only Michael and I are laughing. This happened repeatedly throughout the movie. So I really start to feel old. Except I'm not old (don't let those under-eye wrinkles fool you). But, boy, I felt like it.
And it's moments like these where I find myself taking a little trip down memory lane and thinking about how old I was when I first (fill in the blank) or what year XYZ song was popular. Or, most recently, I was mailing Angie's birthday present and I was remembering the year that Gwen, Craig and I made her this godawful funfetti cake with funfetti icing and it was so unbelievably ugly. We decorated it with blue and yellow frosting and then gave ourselves mustaches and goatees with the leftovers. And do you know how long ago that was? A long time ago. Like, 17 years ago, I think. God, that cake was ugly (sorry, Ang) but we had a good time making it.
But, anyway, back to date night. We had a nice time. It was fun to go out on a date with my husband where someone else cooked and cleaned up after us and then we went to see a movie. We really should have date night more often.
And, hey, I changed my template and background! What think ye, dear internets?
So, the Tall Man decided we should have a proper date night: dinner and movie. We haven't done that in a while. Not that we don't like to go out to dinner or go see movies but I like cooking at home and most of the time there aren't any movies we want to see.
Well, it just so happened there was a movie we wanted to see so we got in the car, went for some tasty mexican food by the theater and then we saw Date Night. Oh, lord, it was funny. I heart Tina Fey and Steve Carrell! But before the movie started, they showed the requisite 20 minutes of previews, one of which for for the A-Team. And all the kiddies sitting near us are in high school and have absolutely no recollection of when the A-Team was a tv show and Mr. T said "I pity the fool..." This suddenly makes me feel old. But whatever, maybe this movie will be good because it has Liam Neeson and, well, it has to be decent, right? Liam Neeson!
And then the movie starts. They make various pop culture references like "Long Duk Dong" from 16 Candles and only Michael and I are laughing. This happened repeatedly throughout the movie. So I really start to feel old. Except I'm not old (don't let those under-eye wrinkles fool you). But, boy, I felt like it.
And it's moments like these where I find myself taking a little trip down memory lane and thinking about how old I was when I first (fill in the blank) or what year XYZ song was popular. Or, most recently, I was mailing Angie's birthday present and I was remembering the year that Gwen, Craig and I made her this godawful funfetti cake with funfetti icing and it was so unbelievably ugly. We decorated it with blue and yellow frosting and then gave ourselves mustaches and goatees with the leftovers. And do you know how long ago that was? A long time ago. Like, 17 years ago, I think. God, that cake was ugly (sorry, Ang) but we had a good time making it.
But, anyway, back to date night. We had a nice time. It was fun to go out on a date with my husband where someone else cooked and cleaned up after us and then we went to see a movie. We really should have date night more often.
5.06.2010
An FAQ sheet I want to staple to my forehead...
I have been *officially* unemployed for 3 months now. Technically it's been 4 months but I don't count the month of January since I spent the entire month preparing for my boards. Thus, I have spent the last 3 months applying for and being rejected for RN jobs in CA and other states. I have been networking and meeting new people and trying not to sound as bitter as I feel on the inside. I know people mean well and often just don't know what to say. But, folks, now I'm at the point where I am going to rip my arm off and beat myself senseless with it if I have to explain. One. More. Time. Why I am an unemployed RN.
That seems a bit...drastic, yes? So, perhaps an FAQ I could staple to my effing forehead would be a bit more appropriate. After the obligatory "I'm looking for work" intro, I'm thinking it should go something like this:
But you're a NURSE! Isn't there a shortage?
(Sigh...) Yes, there is still a shortage in parts of the country but hospitals are clamping down on expenses and training a graduate nurse is expensive. Hospitals would rather pay a travel nurse who can start right away and not need any training short of a 2 day orientation to how *that* hospital operates, protocols, etc.
But all you hear about in the news is that health care is recession-proof...
The reality is that the recession has hurt many workers including nurses and their families. Nurses who were planning to retire have delayed doing so because their retirement accounts tanked and/or their spouse was laid off and they need the income. Additionally, many nurses who might have left one hospital for another have stayed in their current position until the economy improves. Due to these factors, hospitals have not been forced to hire new grads since so many experienced nurse have stuck around.
Have you tried talking to So-and-so? His wife is a doctor at XYZ hospital?
Yes, I have talked to his wife and the hospital she works for is not hiring new graduates. Knowing a doctor can be a useful connection but it is rare that a doctor can influence a hiring a decision unless the hospital is willing to hire a new grad.
Have you tried looking at doctor's offices/surgery centers/clinics?
Yes, of course I have. They aren't hiring either. No one wants to take the time or spend the money to train a new grad when there are experienced nurses whom they'd rather hire.
What about a nursing home?
(Smacks self in face). Well, there's a lot of stigma against nurses who work in nursing homes (skilled nursing facility or SNF is the preferred term) and many hospitals will not hire a nurse who came from a SNF. I don't know why that it is the case but it's something to keep in mind. Also, nurses supervise a lot of unlicensed assistive personnel in SNFs and it's her/his license on the line when something goes wrong. Frankly, I'm not comfortable going to a SNF at this time.
Well, isn't St@nford hiring? I mean, gosh, their hospital is huge!
Well, for one thing, no, they aren't hiring. Earlier this year they received 750 applications for 10 slots, interviewed 100 applicants and hired 7 of them. They currently have no plans to hire another cohort of new grads at this time. Also, they are doing something particularly horrible to the nurses currently employed there and given what I know about the situation, I'm not sure that hospital system is a very nice place to work even if they were hiring.
Oh, well, you're smart, I'm sure you'll find something.
That's very kind of you to say. There are thousands of new grads like me who are smart who are also unemployed.
The end.
Blarg. See? I sound bitter. And the longer I remain unemployed the more bitter I become and the more attractive the military starts to look. I mean, hell, they pay good wages and they offer loan forgiveness. I just don't want my ass shipped to Baghdad no matter how good of an experience I would get. I don't know. Maybe it really is time to say "fuck it," stop looking and wait tables. Happy National Nurses Week.
I have been *officially* unemployed for 3 months now. Technically it's been 4 months but I don't count the month of January since I spent the entire month preparing for my boards. Thus, I have spent the last 3 months applying for and being rejected for RN jobs in CA and other states. I have been networking and meeting new people and trying not to sound as bitter as I feel on the inside. I know people mean well and often just don't know what to say. But, folks, now I'm at the point where I am going to rip my arm off and beat myself senseless with it if I have to explain. One. More. Time. Why I am an unemployed RN.
That seems a bit...drastic, yes? So, perhaps an FAQ I could staple to my effing forehead would be a bit more appropriate. After the obligatory "I'm looking for work" intro, I'm thinking it should go something like this:
But you're a NURSE! Isn't there a shortage?
(Sigh...) Yes, there is still a shortage in parts of the country but hospitals are clamping down on expenses and training a graduate nurse is expensive. Hospitals would rather pay a travel nurse who can start right away and not need any training short of a 2 day orientation to how *that* hospital operates, protocols, etc.
But all you hear about in the news is that health care is recession-proof...
The reality is that the recession has hurt many workers including nurses and their families. Nurses who were planning to retire have delayed doing so because their retirement accounts tanked and/or their spouse was laid off and they need the income. Additionally, many nurses who might have left one hospital for another have stayed in their current position until the economy improves. Due to these factors, hospitals have not been forced to hire new grads since so many experienced nurse have stuck around.
Have you tried talking to So-and-so? His wife is a doctor at XYZ hospital?
Yes, I have talked to his wife and the hospital she works for is not hiring new graduates. Knowing a doctor can be a useful connection but it is rare that a doctor can influence a hiring a decision unless the hospital is willing to hire a new grad.
Have you tried looking at doctor's offices/surgery centers/clinics?
Yes, of course I have. They aren't hiring either. No one wants to take the time or spend the money to train a new grad when there are experienced nurses whom they'd rather hire.
What about a nursing home?
(Smacks self in face). Well, there's a lot of stigma against nurses who work in nursing homes (skilled nursing facility or SNF is the preferred term) and many hospitals will not hire a nurse who came from a SNF. I don't know why that it is the case but it's something to keep in mind. Also, nurses supervise a lot of unlicensed assistive personnel in SNFs and it's her/his license on the line when something goes wrong. Frankly, I'm not comfortable going to a SNF at this time.
Well, isn't St@nford hiring? I mean, gosh, their hospital is huge!
Well, for one thing, no, they aren't hiring. Earlier this year they received 750 applications for 10 slots, interviewed 100 applicants and hired 7 of them. They currently have no plans to hire another cohort of new grads at this time. Also, they are doing something particularly horrible to the nurses currently employed there and given what I know about the situation, I'm not sure that hospital system is a very nice place to work even if they were hiring.
Oh, well, you're smart, I'm sure you'll find something.
That's very kind of you to say. There are thousands of new grads like me who are smart who are also unemployed.
The end.
Blarg. See? I sound bitter. And the longer I remain unemployed the more bitter I become and the more attractive the military starts to look. I mean, hell, they pay good wages and they offer loan forgiveness. I just don't want my ass shipped to Baghdad no matter how good of an experience I would get. I don't know. Maybe it really is time to say "fuck it," stop looking and wait tables. Happy National Nurses Week.
4.13.2010
Nuthin' to say...
That's the reality of my life at the moment. I'm either doing some sort of housework/yardwork/cooking/laundry/etc. or searching for/applying to jobs. It's pretty boring. And, no, there's no news on the job front. Of my classmates who have jobs, half of them took jobs out of state. Like Texas. Sheesh.
Anyway, the weather here has been rainy and cool so I haven't been spending much time outdoors. Last year the rain stopped in early March. Not that I'm complaining--I think it should keep on raining. The longer it rains, the less I have to water our grass and landscaping. Of course, it means the weeds grow like, well, weeds and there will be more pulling of the evil bastards once the rain stops. Oh well, it keeps me busy and gets me away from the computer for a while.
But, like I said, not much to say. Other than I wish the ever elusive Job Fairy would pay me a visit. Like any day now. That would be super helpful. Thanks in advance, Job Fairy.
That's the reality of my life at the moment. I'm either doing some sort of housework/yardwork/cooking/laundry/etc. or searching for/applying to jobs. It's pretty boring. And, no, there's no news on the job front. Of my classmates who have jobs, half of them took jobs out of state. Like Texas. Sheesh.
Anyway, the weather here has been rainy and cool so I haven't been spending much time outdoors. Last year the rain stopped in early March. Not that I'm complaining--I think it should keep on raining. The longer it rains, the less I have to water our grass and landscaping. Of course, it means the weeds grow like, well, weeds and there will be more pulling of the evil bastards once the rain stops. Oh well, it keeps me busy and gets me away from the computer for a while.
But, like I said, not much to say. Other than I wish the ever elusive Job Fairy would pay me a visit. Like any day now. That would be super helpful. Thanks in advance, Job Fairy.
3.12.2010
A little bit of success with a dash of fail...
I won't even go into my hard drive crashing last night in the middle of a job app. Or that the repair people aren't sure they can resurrect the damn thing. And that it will cost a couple hundred bucks to find out either way and I *still* need to shell out another hundred for a new hard drive. That or buy a new laptop. Yeah, we're not going to do that. I already promised Michael that he could buy a new laptop as soon as I get a job. *When* I get a job. *If* I get a job. Sheesh.
Anyway, I've been keeping busy with job apps and yard work and cooking and baking my way through about a million bookmarked recipes. Many of my tasty finds can be found over here. There have been trials of really good recipes and then there have been some food fails along the way. Honestly, that doesn't happen very often but when it does, boy, is it spectacular.
Recent fails include a bread recipe and not double checking to make sure I didn't need to grease the loaf pan before putting the dough in it. Oops. I had to pry that sucker out of the pan and then ripped some fairly large chunks out in the process. I was able to salvage almost all of the loaf and it tasted really good so it was okay in the end. Still, a forgetting-to-grease-the-pan-first fail. Bad.
Then there was the lemon bar recipe wherein I wanted to add some blueberries between the shortbread and lemon curd. Except that I didn't think about the moisture content of the berries and did not think to thaw,rinse and drain them first. Oh, shit, this was a massive fail. For one thing, I managed to slop some of the batter onto my oven door and it baked on to the glass. Then, by the time it was cooked through, the curd was overcooked on the top, the middle was this nasty curdled looking purplish stuff and the shortbread just could not be saved. I had to dump the whole thing in the trash and start over. It was even decent enough to take to Michael's office. It looked like the dog's breakfast, as my FIL likes to say.
Today, I had another fail but not one of disastrous proportions. I wanted to get a head start on the luncheon I'm preparing for Michael's birthday next week and I thought I would go ahead and bake the cake and then freeze it until Monday. The recipe I used was fine but I used cake pans that were just a smidge too small and now I have these huge domed cake rounds that are cracked to high heaven. I was planning on making a devil's food cake with choc. buttercream but I think I'm now making chocolate blackout cake. I'm going to cut the top parts of the cake off and break them into small crumbs. After I frost the remaining cake layers, I'll press the cake crumbs into the side and voila! Chocolate blackout cake. Not the end of the world but also not what I was going for. Michael won't care and wouldn't even think anything of it if I hadn't typed it up here for the world to see. At least with this one, I can make lemonade out of my lemons. It's sort of like a mystery fail. No one will know but me.
I won't even go into my hard drive crashing last night in the middle of a job app. Or that the repair people aren't sure they can resurrect the damn thing. And that it will cost a couple hundred bucks to find out either way and I *still* need to shell out another hundred for a new hard drive. That or buy a new laptop. Yeah, we're not going to do that. I already promised Michael that he could buy a new laptop as soon as I get a job. *When* I get a job. *If* I get a job. Sheesh.
Anyway, I've been keeping busy with job apps and yard work and cooking and baking my way through about a million bookmarked recipes. Many of my tasty finds can be found over here. There have been trials of really good recipes and then there have been some food fails along the way. Honestly, that doesn't happen very often but when it does, boy, is it spectacular.
Recent fails include a bread recipe and not double checking to make sure I didn't need to grease the loaf pan before putting the dough in it. Oops. I had to pry that sucker out of the pan and then ripped some fairly large chunks out in the process. I was able to salvage almost all of the loaf and it tasted really good so it was okay in the end. Still, a forgetting-to-grease-the-pan-first fail. Bad.
Then there was the lemon bar recipe wherein I wanted to add some blueberries between the shortbread and lemon curd. Except that I didn't think about the moisture content of the berries and did not think to thaw,rinse and drain them first. Oh, shit, this was a massive fail. For one thing, I managed to slop some of the batter onto my oven door and it baked on to the glass. Then, by the time it was cooked through, the curd was overcooked on the top, the middle was this nasty curdled looking purplish stuff and the shortbread just could not be saved. I had to dump the whole thing in the trash and start over. It was even decent enough to take to Michael's office. It looked like the dog's breakfast, as my FIL likes to say.
Today, I had another fail but not one of disastrous proportions. I wanted to get a head start on the luncheon I'm preparing for Michael's birthday next week and I thought I would go ahead and bake the cake and then freeze it until Monday. The recipe I used was fine but I used cake pans that were just a smidge too small and now I have these huge domed cake rounds that are cracked to high heaven. I was planning on making a devil's food cake with choc. buttercream but I think I'm now making chocolate blackout cake. I'm going to cut the top parts of the cake off and break them into small crumbs. After I frost the remaining cake layers, I'll press the cake crumbs into the side and voila! Chocolate blackout cake. Not the end of the world but also not what I was going for. Michael won't care and wouldn't even think anything of it if I hadn't typed it up here for the world to see. At least with this one, I can make lemonade out of my lemons. It's sort of like a mystery fail. No one will know but me.
2.26.2010
Hey, jealousy...
While I am genuinely happy for my classmates who have gotten interviews and the few that have been fortunate enough to get jobs already I can't help but feel a bit jealous. Granted, one of my classmates was already working at a hospital as an ER tech and he had an automatic job as an RN as soon as he got his license. The other one got a job at the nursery in a women's prison but that had as much to do with his background as a social worker as anything else. Bu, still, they have jobs that are local and are contributing to the family income.
Another classmate got a job offer this morning. It's at a SNF...I'm not jealous of the job itself but that she got an offer and I have nothing. Hell, she's never had a job before and I have 10 years of professional experience. Durr. I know, maybe I should just march my ass over to a SNF right now and try to get hired. Except that I know that SNFs can be a dangerous place for RNs and I don't want to lose my license. SNFs are notoriously understaffed and what people don't realize is that LPNs and UAPs (unlicensed assistive personnel) are under the supervision of the RN. If they make a mistake or don't turn a patient who develops some crazy ass decubitus ulcer that rapidly becomes stage IV and starts tunneling, guess whose ass is on the line? Also, hiring managers come right out and tell you they won't hire you if you came from a SNF. But, damn, it feels like being caught between a rock and a hard place. And yet, I'm still jealous. What the hell? This just feels like 2001 all over again.
While I am genuinely happy for my classmates who have gotten interviews and the few that have been fortunate enough to get jobs already I can't help but feel a bit jealous. Granted, one of my classmates was already working at a hospital as an ER tech and he had an automatic job as an RN as soon as he got his license. The other one got a job at the nursery in a women's prison but that had as much to do with his background as a social worker as anything else. Bu, still, they have jobs that are local and are contributing to the family income.
Another classmate got a job offer this morning. It's at a SNF...I'm not jealous of the job itself but that she got an offer and I have nothing. Hell, she's never had a job before and I have 10 years of professional experience. Durr. I know, maybe I should just march my ass over to a SNF right now and try to get hired. Except that I know that SNFs can be a dangerous place for RNs and I don't want to lose my license. SNFs are notoriously understaffed and what people don't realize is that LPNs and UAPs (unlicensed assistive personnel) are under the supervision of the RN. If they make a mistake or don't turn a patient who develops some crazy ass decubitus ulcer that rapidly becomes stage IV and starts tunneling, guess whose ass is on the line? Also, hiring managers come right out and tell you they won't hire you if you came from a SNF. But, damn, it feels like being caught between a rock and a hard place. And yet, I'm still jealous. What the hell? This just feels like 2001 all over again.
2.24.2010
Demoralizing to say the least...
#1) Looking for a job in this market when NO ONE wants to hire new grads. Or they might consider it if they have to but even then they only have one position available. And then spending hours and hours filling out online applications including writing a cover letter and submitting to a mandatory background and credit check and then the website crashing and my computer decides to shut down and install some updates and now my job application is utterly lost as are all the tabs I had open in Firef0x. Sobbing into phone to husband who feels so badly for me he comes home half an hour early and then goes to pick up Chip0tle for dinner. That part was good.
#2) Trying on and purchasing fat smoothing undergarments to wear under the dress I bought for Michael's company holiday party this Saturday. I came home and tried it on under my dress and it looks really nice but, blarg, I hate this kind of stuff. Squishing one's imperfections with crazy undergarments, etc. a la Bridget Jones is occasionally a must if one wants to wear something formfitting. I'm okay with that part. It's the shopping for it that I find so insufferable. For one thing, it feels like you're trying to wriggle into a sausage casing. For another, it was not cheap but on the other hand I'll have it for a long time and can wear it under other dresses when fat smoothing becomes necessary. And, hey, the dress was only $20 and it's really cute.
See that? I'm trying to find some sort of silver lining. I know there are unemployed people out there who have it way worse than I do but I don't live their lives--I live mine--and keeping perspective is harder on some days than on others.
#1) Looking for a job in this market when NO ONE wants to hire new grads. Or they might consider it if they have to but even then they only have one position available. And then spending hours and hours filling out online applications including writing a cover letter and submitting to a mandatory background and credit check and then the website crashing and my computer decides to shut down and install some updates and now my job application is utterly lost as are all the tabs I had open in Firef0x. Sobbing into phone to husband who feels so badly for me he comes home half an hour early and then goes to pick up Chip0tle for dinner. That part was good.
#2) Trying on and purchasing fat smoothing undergarments to wear under the dress I bought for Michael's company holiday party this Saturday. I came home and tried it on under my dress and it looks really nice but, blarg, I hate this kind of stuff. Squishing one's imperfections with crazy undergarments, etc. a la Bridget Jones is occasionally a must if one wants to wear something formfitting. I'm okay with that part. It's the shopping for it that I find so insufferable. For one thing, it feels like you're trying to wriggle into a sausage casing. For another, it was not cheap but on the other hand I'll have it for a long time and can wear it under other dresses when fat smoothing becomes necessary. And, hey, the dress was only $20 and it's really cute.
See that? I'm trying to find some sort of silver lining. I know there are unemployed people out there who have it way worse than I do but I don't live their lives--I live mine--and keeping perspective is harder on some days than on others.
2.18.2010
I remember when...
There was a time when I didn't say things like "I remember when..." like some rambling old person who was born back in the time of Christ. Just kidding, I love me some old people. But really, I think I say "I remember when..." or "When I was in college [the first time]..." way more than I used to.
Technology and tech applications are so different than they used to be. Last night I picked out a new cell phone because I am an idiot and fatally wounded my latest replacement. I told they guy to show me the phones that old people buy. And I was being completely serious. Well, almost. I did pick one of those phones but at least I didn't pick the model with the enormous number buttons. Phones are just so complicated these days. I just want one that calls people and lets me send text messages. And I wasn't eligible for one of the slider phones with the QWERTY keyboard because I refuse to pay for a data plan. Or an increased text messaging plan. Remember when you just made phone calls with your phone? Remember the time before cell phones? Geez, that just seems so long ago.
And then there's the job search. Using the internet is nice in a lot of ways and facilitates the search part but it makes applying for jobs hell on earth. I remember when you printed out your resume, typed up a cover letter and drove over to Kink0's to fax your documents. Now, you apply on line and it takes hours to get through one application process. And, as happened yesterday, I was issued an instantaneous rejection letter via email within seconds of submitting my app. Seconds, people, seconds. That's kind of demoralizing. Sigh...I don't know, it just seems like it shouldn't be this hard of a process nor such a long one. And it makes me long for the days of faxing documents from Kink0's.
There was a time when I didn't say things like "I remember when..." like some rambling old person who was born back in the time of Christ. Just kidding, I love me some old people. But really, I think I say "I remember when..." or "When I was in college [the first time]..." way more than I used to.
Technology and tech applications are so different than they used to be. Last night I picked out a new cell phone because I am an idiot and fatally wounded my latest replacement. I told they guy to show me the phones that old people buy. And I was being completely serious. Well, almost. I did pick one of those phones but at least I didn't pick the model with the enormous number buttons. Phones are just so complicated these days. I just want one that calls people and lets me send text messages. And I wasn't eligible for one of the slider phones with the QWERTY keyboard because I refuse to pay for a data plan. Or an increased text messaging plan. Remember when you just made phone calls with your phone? Remember the time before cell phones? Geez, that just seems so long ago.
And then there's the job search. Using the internet is nice in a lot of ways and facilitates the search part but it makes applying for jobs hell on earth. I remember when you printed out your resume, typed up a cover letter and drove over to Kink0's to fax your documents. Now, you apply on line and it takes hours to get through one application process. And, as happened yesterday, I was issued an instantaneous rejection letter via email within seconds of submitting my app. Seconds, people, seconds. That's kind of demoralizing. Sigh...I don't know, it just seems like it shouldn't be this hard of a process nor such a long one. And it makes me long for the days of faxing documents from Kink0's.
2.15.2010
The struggle to maintain a balanced diet...
Prompted in part by this interesting article on Salon.com today. But then, I regularly think of nutrition and proper eating and getting exercise and the like but some days it's harder than others. Especially since I've entered the unemployed phase (again) of my life. Cooking and baking are among several of my hobbies and since I'm not working, I've been doing more of both. Well, I've been cooking all this time or else we would have eaten little more than Annie's Mac & Cheese, pierogies or Chip0tle. But now I have lots more time to spend in my kitchen and here's a sampling of what I've made: Mississippi Mud Balls, Cherry Chocolate Biscotti, Shortbread Cookies, Lemon Frozen Yogurt, Pecan and Chocolate Covered English Toffee, Granola and Lemon Cake.
Yes, I've cooked food somewhere in there. You know, stuff with vegetables and all. And I sent most of what I baked in to Michael's office and some of it went with Michael when he left to visit his parents. Except the granola. It's in the oven now and it's not leaving this house. Anyway, baking is so much fun and so is tasting what you make. And I am a taster. I taste all the time. That's part of the problem, you see. Then I taste the finished product. And it's always good if I do say so myself. But after the baking is over and the goodies are packed away, they call to me. I can hear them through the tupperware or the freezer or where ever they are stored. And that, my friends, is the problem. That's why this stuff goes to Michael's office.
And then there's the bread making I made as one of my goals for the year. I've baked two batches so far and both were quite good. Both were also made with whole wheat flour. I like wheat bread anyway so that's no sacrifice. But the finished product just tastes so good that I would almost eat it to the exclusion of my dinner. Maybe I need to find some new hobbies that keep me out of the kitchen. Or maybe I need to hang out with Jillian and Bob more often (not like I don't hang out with them enough already). Or maybe I should wear a H@nnibal Lect0r mask while I bake. Or, maybe, I should get a damned job already.
Prompted in part by this interesting article on Salon.com today. But then, I regularly think of nutrition and proper eating and getting exercise and the like but some days it's harder than others. Especially since I've entered the unemployed phase (again) of my life. Cooking and baking are among several of my hobbies and since I'm not working, I've been doing more of both. Well, I've been cooking all this time or else we would have eaten little more than Annie's Mac & Cheese, pierogies or Chip0tle. But now I have lots more time to spend in my kitchen and here's a sampling of what I've made: Mississippi Mud Balls, Cherry Chocolate Biscotti, Shortbread Cookies, Lemon Frozen Yogurt, Pecan and Chocolate Covered English Toffee, Granola and Lemon Cake.
Yes, I've cooked food somewhere in there. You know, stuff with vegetables and all. And I sent most of what I baked in to Michael's office and some of it went with Michael when he left to visit his parents. Except the granola. It's in the oven now and it's not leaving this house. Anyway, baking is so much fun and so is tasting what you make. And I am a taster. I taste all the time. That's part of the problem, you see. Then I taste the finished product. And it's always good if I do say so myself. But after the baking is over and the goodies are packed away, they call to me. I can hear them through the tupperware or the freezer or where ever they are stored. And that, my friends, is the problem. That's why this stuff goes to Michael's office.
And then there's the bread making I made as one of my goals for the year. I've baked two batches so far and both were quite good. Both were also made with whole wheat flour. I like wheat bread anyway so that's no sacrifice. But the finished product just tastes so good that I would almost eat it to the exclusion of my dinner. Maybe I need to find some new hobbies that keep me out of the kitchen. Or maybe I need to hang out with Jillian and Bob more often (not like I don't hang out with them enough already). Or maybe I should wear a H@nnibal Lect0r mask while I bake. Or, maybe, I should get a damned job already.
2.05.2010
Life maintenance part bazillion...
Folks, I am catching up on months of life maintenance here and it feels like I'll never get to the end of the list of things to do. And the list is long. But I am making progress so that's a good thing. In fact, we finally got a major project done and I'm very pleased. We cleaned out our garage and while we'll never be able to park our car in it (almost no one around here parks in their garage--it's like a storage unit attached to your house), we can get to stuff and there's space to spread out laundry baskets and the like.
I'm also working on selling some things. Mostly books from school and a few other things as well. But that is a time suck like I never imagined. It really takes time to sit there a post all these books to am@zon.c0m and then pick a price that isn't too high and not too low. And in an effort to avoid having to ship all of them (there's probably 15 books or so), I'm trying to sell a few of them to the ABSN cohort that started in January. That way all I have to do it drive 30 miles to campus and unload them all at once. I'm still hoping someone might want to buy my scrubs but no word so far on that. Otherwise, those awful things are going in the trash. I don't mind white scrubs per se but these did not fit terribly well, didn't have enough pockets and also have the school's logo on them. As I am no longer a student nurse, I don't intend to dress like one.
All work and no play makes Kelly a dull person so I've been scheduling some fun activities. I met some friends from nursing school for dinner and drinks, Michael and I went to a Super Bowl Top Chef party, I've been reading books (real books for fun!) and we've been watching season 1 of 6 Feet Under. It's been good. The job thing is hanging over my head but I'm giving myself a few more days of decompression and life maintenance before I really kick the search into high gear. But today is about fun. I'm picking up Greg Plotner in the city and we're going to do some sightseeing before he heads to the airport. Today I get to stop and smell the roses and I'm grateful for the opportunity.
Folks, I am catching up on months of life maintenance here and it feels like I'll never get to the end of the list of things to do. And the list is long. But I am making progress so that's a good thing. In fact, we finally got a major project done and I'm very pleased. We cleaned out our garage and while we'll never be able to park our car in it (almost no one around here parks in their garage--it's like a storage unit attached to your house), we can get to stuff and there's space to spread out laundry baskets and the like.
I'm also working on selling some things. Mostly books from school and a few other things as well. But that is a time suck like I never imagined. It really takes time to sit there a post all these books to am@zon.c0m and then pick a price that isn't too high and not too low. And in an effort to avoid having to ship all of them (there's probably 15 books or so), I'm trying to sell a few of them to the ABSN cohort that started in January. That way all I have to do it drive 30 miles to campus and unload them all at once. I'm still hoping someone might want to buy my scrubs but no word so far on that. Otherwise, those awful things are going in the trash. I don't mind white scrubs per se but these did not fit terribly well, didn't have enough pockets and also have the school's logo on them. As I am no longer a student nurse, I don't intend to dress like one.
All work and no play makes Kelly a dull person so I've been scheduling some fun activities. I met some friends from nursing school for dinner and drinks, Michael and I went to a Super Bowl Top Chef party, I've been reading books (real books for fun!) and we've been watching season 1 of 6 Feet Under. It's been good. The job thing is hanging over my head but I'm giving myself a few more days of decompression and life maintenance before I really kick the search into high gear. But today is about fun. I'm picking up Greg Plotner in the city and we're going to do some sightseeing before he heads to the airport. Today I get to stop and smell the roses and I'm grateful for the opportunity.
2.03.2010
2.02.2010
2009 Recap...
As always, I'm late with posting so just ignore the fact that it's Feb. 2nd already. Technically, I started this on Jan. 10th.
1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
Attended and graduated from an accelerated bachelors in nursing program. Learning that medicine has to have a special name for every bodily function. You can’t just say nose bleed you have to say “epistaxis.” Bed-wetting is “enuresis.” And gall bladder removal is “cholecystectomy.” I could go on and on about this but nursing school is pretty much all I did during 2009 so we’ll just leave it at that.
2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
They were more like goals than resolutions but I met most of them. My container gardening experiment went south when the damned squirrels started digging up all my plants despite my efforts to fence everything in. Stupid squirrels. I did not manage to make bread from scratch until last weekend and I had a bit of a bread fail. I’ll work on that. And we did go to Hawaii for Christmas, so check!
I did make 2 resolutions for 2010: no talking on the cell phone while driving (not even with my ear bud) and doing less multi-tasking. I make myself nutty with too much multi-tasking so it’s time to cut back a bit.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes. I don’t want to talk about it.
5. What countries did you visit?
None. Again. But that was expected this year. I did however go to Atlanta and Hawaii and I rather enjoyed myself. Besides, with Hawaii, it feels like you’re going to another county because it’s unlike anywhere in the contiguous U.S. Even Florida. Florida may have palm trees but it does not have huge blobs of lava rock everywhere.
6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
Um, a job? Hello, Universe, it’s me again. I’m unemployed. Again. I need a job. Preferably one in California, please. Also, more time to read. And I don’t just mean textbooks and nursing journals. More Sundays spent reading the NYT drinking coffee with my husband.
7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
There are many but in an attempt to focus on the more positive events, I’ll just note that 1/5/09 was the first day of school and 12/6/09 was my Pinning ceremony and 12/20/09 was my last day of preceptorship at the hospital.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
See #1.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Getting a B+ in Maternity. Ok, really, in the long run, not such a failure. That class was f’ing hard. In the beginning of the year, I had a hard time keeping grades and things in perspective. I started doing a better job of it in the fall. Maybe that had to do with the fact that I was tired of being in school and my can of care was running low.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
2 sinus infections and horrible neck spasms that rendered me pretty helpless while Michael was 2,000 miles away visiting his parents. That sucked.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Underwear that fits. Brand new sneakers for the first time in 5 years. What was I thinking?
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Michael. He has been a total rock star and I could not have made it through this year without him. Or any year, for that matter. Because he’s awesome.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Well, we finally rid ourselves of Bush but his wrongdoings live on. Also, the Republicans and Joe Fcking Lieberman. Seriously, why are you trying to sabotage health care reform? What the hell is wrong with you?
14. Where did most of your money go?
Since I was unemployed, I did not make any money. :<
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Our vacation. It was long overdue.
16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
I don’t know. I’ll have to think about this one. Probably any song by Lady Gaga because she's always on the radio whenever I switch over to the music stations.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? about the same
b) thinner or fatter? thinner
c) richer or poorer? I’m, like, negative poor. I’m in debt to the gov’t and the bank. Boo.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Leisurely reading but, hey, that was a pipe dream anyway. Unless I could suddenly learn to live on only 4 hours of sleep. Um, yoga. I really should have done more of that. Taking what blessedly few breaks from school that I had and really trying to relax instead of running a mile a minute to do life maintenance. Also, loving on my husband. And I don’t mean just the naked tango, people.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Freaking out about grades. Getting worked up by classmates who cheat because they won’t be able to cheat on the NCLEX. Good luck passing that one. And, as always, worrying. I worry about everything. It’s not always very helpful.
20. How will you be spending did you spend Christmas?
In Hawaii. We went on a walk down the coastline and watched the surfers for a bit. Later we went to a luau and had some pretty tasty food. The poi was okay. Pretty starchy. Also? Mai Tais are good. So is a well made pina colada.
23. What was your favorite TV program?
House. I love me some Hugh Laurie. Also, I particularly enjoy the Daily Show and the Colbert Report. It was easy to watch the occasional 21 min. show on the C C website without commercials. It was a nice little break from studying.
25. What was the best book you read?
Ha! 20 textbooks, maybe? Okay, I really only got to read, like, 2 books this year. I read Kitchen Confidential and loved it. Also, another book in the Outlander series, Drums of Autumn. Mostly I read the NYT. Even then I usually only got through the Style section and the magazine.
26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
KCSM 91.1, the local jazz station. I just love the really mellow jazz they play from 6-9pm on weeknights.
27. What did you want and get?
To get through nursing school without losing my sanity. There were a few close calls. But also, I made some new friends. It helps make California feel more home-like when you have friends. Visits to the weekly farmers markets and if I couldn’t go, Michael did so we still got to eat really awesome fresh produce every week.
28. What did you want and not get?
Universal health care. A less effed up family. You can pick your nose and you can pick your friends but you can’t pick your family. Wait, I don’t think that’s how that’s supposed to go.
29. What was your favorite film of this year?
Nothing comes to mind. Well, I saw Spinal Tap again. But it goes to eleven.
30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 32 and I don’t remember. How sad.
31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Bountiful job offers at the end of school. Wow, I’m like a broken record here.
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
White scrubs which I do NOT recommend.
33. What kept you sane?
My husband and my friends and coffee and flannel sheets and baking. There was a lot of stress baking.
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Hugh Laurie and Stephen Colbert. I can’t help it.
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
Don’t sweat the small stuff. Seriously. Worry a little less. Try to keep things in perspective. Always realize that there’s more than one point of view. Perception is reality. Not to take it personally when a schizophrenic calls you a dirty whore.
39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
I’m never any good at this. I never download new music and I mostly listen to NPR. I don’t know…something, something, something, poker face.
As always, I'm late with posting so just ignore the fact that it's Feb. 2nd already. Technically, I started this on Jan. 10th.
1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
Attended and graduated from an accelerated bachelors in nursing program. Learning that medicine has to have a special name for every bodily function. You can’t just say nose bleed you have to say “epistaxis.” Bed-wetting is “enuresis.” And gall bladder removal is “cholecystectomy.” I could go on and on about this but nursing school is pretty much all I did during 2009 so we’ll just leave it at that.
2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
They were more like goals than resolutions but I met most of them. My container gardening experiment went south when the damned squirrels started digging up all my plants despite my efforts to fence everything in. Stupid squirrels. I did not manage to make bread from scratch until last weekend and I had a bit of a bread fail. I’ll work on that. And we did go to Hawaii for Christmas, so check!
I did make 2 resolutions for 2010: no talking on the cell phone while driving (not even with my ear bud) and doing less multi-tasking. I make myself nutty with too much multi-tasking so it’s time to cut back a bit.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes. I don’t want to talk about it.
5. What countries did you visit?
None. Again. But that was expected this year. I did however go to Atlanta and Hawaii and I rather enjoyed myself. Besides, with Hawaii, it feels like you’re going to another county because it’s unlike anywhere in the contiguous U.S. Even Florida. Florida may have palm trees but it does not have huge blobs of lava rock everywhere.
6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
Um, a job? Hello, Universe, it’s me again. I’m unemployed. Again. I need a job. Preferably one in California, please. Also, more time to read. And I don’t just mean textbooks and nursing journals. More Sundays spent reading the NYT drinking coffee with my husband.
7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
There are many but in an attempt to focus on the more positive events, I’ll just note that 1/5/09 was the first day of school and 12/6/09 was my Pinning ceremony and 12/20/09 was my last day of preceptorship at the hospital.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
See #1.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Getting a B+ in Maternity. Ok, really, in the long run, not such a failure. That class was f’ing hard. In the beginning of the year, I had a hard time keeping grades and things in perspective. I started doing a better job of it in the fall. Maybe that had to do with the fact that I was tired of being in school and my can of care was running low.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
2 sinus infections and horrible neck spasms that rendered me pretty helpless while Michael was 2,000 miles away visiting his parents. That sucked.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Underwear that fits. Brand new sneakers for the first time in 5 years. What was I thinking?
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Michael. He has been a total rock star and I could not have made it through this year without him. Or any year, for that matter. Because he’s awesome.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Well, we finally rid ourselves of Bush but his wrongdoings live on. Also, the Republicans and Joe Fcking Lieberman. Seriously, why are you trying to sabotage health care reform? What the hell is wrong with you?
14. Where did most of your money go?
Since I was unemployed, I did not make any money. :<
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Our vacation. It was long overdue.
16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
I don’t know. I’ll have to think about this one. Probably any song by Lady Gaga because she's always on the radio whenever I switch over to the music stations.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? about the same
b) thinner or fatter? thinner
c) richer or poorer? I’m, like, negative poor. I’m in debt to the gov’t and the bank. Boo.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Leisurely reading but, hey, that was a pipe dream anyway. Unless I could suddenly learn to live on only 4 hours of sleep. Um, yoga. I really should have done more of that. Taking what blessedly few breaks from school that I had and really trying to relax instead of running a mile a minute to do life maintenance. Also, loving on my husband. And I don’t mean just the naked tango, people.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Freaking out about grades. Getting worked up by classmates who cheat because they won’t be able to cheat on the NCLEX. Good luck passing that one. And, as always, worrying. I worry about everything. It’s not always very helpful.
20. How will you be spending did you spend Christmas?
In Hawaii. We went on a walk down the coastline and watched the surfers for a bit. Later we went to a luau and had some pretty tasty food. The poi was okay. Pretty starchy. Also? Mai Tais are good. So is a well made pina colada.
23. What was your favorite TV program?
House. I love me some Hugh Laurie. Also, I particularly enjoy the Daily Show and the Colbert Report. It was easy to watch the occasional 21 min. show on the C C website without commercials. It was a nice little break from studying.
25. What was the best book you read?
Ha! 20 textbooks, maybe? Okay, I really only got to read, like, 2 books this year. I read Kitchen Confidential and loved it. Also, another book in the Outlander series, Drums of Autumn. Mostly I read the NYT. Even then I usually only got through the Style section and the magazine.
26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
KCSM 91.1, the local jazz station. I just love the really mellow jazz they play from 6-9pm on weeknights.
27. What did you want and get?
To get through nursing school without losing my sanity. There were a few close calls. But also, I made some new friends. It helps make California feel more home-like when you have friends. Visits to the weekly farmers markets and if I couldn’t go, Michael did so we still got to eat really awesome fresh produce every week.
28. What did you want and not get?
Universal health care. A less effed up family. You can pick your nose and you can pick your friends but you can’t pick your family. Wait, I don’t think that’s how that’s supposed to go.
29. What was your favorite film of this year?
Nothing comes to mind. Well, I saw Spinal Tap again. But it goes to eleven.
30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 32 and I don’t remember. How sad.
31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Bountiful job offers at the end of school. Wow, I’m like a broken record here.
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
White scrubs which I do NOT recommend.
33. What kept you sane?
My husband and my friends and coffee and flannel sheets and baking. There was a lot of stress baking.
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Hugh Laurie and Stephen Colbert. I can’t help it.
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
Don’t sweat the small stuff. Seriously. Worry a little less. Try to keep things in perspective. Always realize that there’s more than one point of view. Perception is reality. Not to take it personally when a schizophrenic calls you a dirty whore.
39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
I’m never any good at this. I never download new music and I mostly listen to NPR. I don’t know…something, something, something, poker face.
11.24.2009
ANXIETY!
Who doesn't have anxiety these days, right? But I have a new anxiety on the horizon and the endless surprise at the cause of my anxiety is giving me more anxiety.
My last day of school is less than one month from today. Good, right? Yes. And no. Yes, it's good that school is almost over. I'm very happy about this. But. Now this means that it's time to get that resume into shape and start applying for jobs. And this gives me anxiety because there are no jobs for new grads in California. Boo. Let me repeat that. There. Are. No. Jobs. For. New. Grads. In. California.
Seriously. This is not me be overly dramatic about an abysmal job market. It's for real. Everyone knows there's a nursing shortage, even here, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm looking outside of CA for job opportunities. And having to convince people that as a new grad I'm at the bottom of the applicant pool for jobs here grows wearisome. So! Carry on smartly, I must! Avoid typing in Yoda-speak, I must! I will be looking for new grad openings around the country, preferably on the West Coast but maybe somewhere near where you live. Didn't you say you wanted a roommate for a year?
For now, tho, I'm putting job stuff on the back burner. Until Dec. 20th, I still have school obligations so I'm not off the hook yet. Then I need to focus on the NCLEX. And theeeennnnnn, on jobs. In the meantime, all I want to do is bury my head in the sand and not come up until hospitals in this state realize that being penny-wise and pound-foolish is not a good long term strategy.
Who doesn't have anxiety these days, right? But I have a new anxiety on the horizon and the endless surprise at the cause of my anxiety is giving me more anxiety.
My last day of school is less than one month from today. Good, right? Yes. And no. Yes, it's good that school is almost over. I'm very happy about this. But. Now this means that it's time to get that resume into shape and start applying for jobs. And this gives me anxiety because there are no jobs for new grads in California. Boo. Let me repeat that. There. Are. No. Jobs. For. New. Grads. In. California.
Seriously. This is not me be overly dramatic about an abysmal job market. It's for real. Everyone knows there's a nursing shortage, even here, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm looking outside of CA for job opportunities. And having to convince people that as a new grad I'm at the bottom of the applicant pool for jobs here grows wearisome. So! Carry on smartly, I must! Avoid typing in Yoda-speak, I must! I will be looking for new grad openings around the country, preferably on the West Coast but maybe somewhere near where you live. Didn't you say you wanted a roommate for a year?
For now, tho, I'm putting job stuff on the back burner. Until Dec. 20th, I still have school obligations so I'm not off the hook yet. Then I need to focus on the NCLEX. And theeeennnnnn, on jobs. In the meantime, all I want to do is bury my head in the sand and not come up until hospitals in this state realize that being penny-wise and pound-foolish is not a good long term strategy.
11.10.2009
10.26.2009
Trying to take some time to smell the roses...
I'm a planner. I like to plan things. In advance. Like, way in advance sometimes. And I don't often take the time to enjoy what I'm doing, when I'm doing it where ever it is that I'm at (noooooooooo, don't end a sentence with a prepositional phrase!!!!). And when I'm overwhelmed by the amount of stuff I need to do and feel stressed, I plan even more and enjoy the moment a lot less.
But today I tried to stop and enjoy what beautiful NorCal weather we're having and the wind sweeping the fallen leaves through the streets and the smell of clean laundry and coffee crunch bar cookies baking in the oven. Oh, and perhaps most importantly, the tickle-y feeling of my husband lightly rubbing my feet. Love that. My house is tidied up and the dog is asleep in the "doggie doughnut" position and Michael and I are yuppy-ing it up on our laptops. He's checking out ESPN and I'm cruising the 10 or so cooking blogs that I've bookmarked. Right now I'm in the moment and it feels good.
I'm a planner. I like to plan things. In advance. Like, way in advance sometimes. And I don't often take the time to enjoy what I'm doing, when I'm doing it where ever it is that I'm at (noooooooooo, don't end a sentence with a prepositional phrase!!!!). And when I'm overwhelmed by the amount of stuff I need to do and feel stressed, I plan even more and enjoy the moment a lot less.
But today I tried to stop and enjoy what beautiful NorCal weather we're having and the wind sweeping the fallen leaves through the streets and the smell of clean laundry and coffee crunch bar cookies baking in the oven. Oh, and perhaps most importantly, the tickle-y feeling of my husband lightly rubbing my feet. Love that. My house is tidied up and the dog is asleep in the "doggie doughnut" position and Michael and I are yuppy-ing it up on our laptops. He's checking out ESPN and I'm cruising the 10 or so cooking blogs that I've bookmarked. Right now I'm in the moment and it feels good.
10.08.2009
Nothing but backwash in my can of care...
For those of you familiar with the origin of the "can of care" thing, my apologies. I do, however, I feel that it's apropos of the way I'm feeling right now. I am really struggling with staying on top of schoolwork what with the insane workload, prep for my exit exam, 2 out-of-town trips scheduled 2 weeks apart and home/life maintenance that has got to be done. You can only outsource and/or ignore so much stuff, you know?
This apathy is hard on me. I got B's on exams for two separate classes and, folks, I am NOT a B student. But apparently I am now. It wasn't for lack of studying, I just didn't retain the information. Also, I committed the cardinal sin of changing my answer after I had selected an appropriate response to the question. And I did it more than once. What the hell is wrong with me? I stopped myself from doing that back in March. Blarg. Before you say anything about grades not being that important, grades do matter when you know you're going to be one of 1,000 applicants for 15 slots at the only hospital in the Bay Area that is continuing its new grad hiring program. Boo. Also, taking ACLS (advanced cardiac life support) classes help but that's a whole weekend of studying and doing of homework down the tubes b/c now I'll be in this class. Plus it cost $225 (a discounted rate at that). Like I'm made of money or something. Or Michael since he's the one with the job. (Thanks, honey!) I better get a job, that's all I'm saying.
I keep telling myself that I will adjust my attitude and try to work harder/longer/sleep less/whatever the hell it takes to get through this but, man, am I tired. All I want to do is sleep. And you know, I haven't even been doing that much cooking. I cook, but I'm not trying out new recipes and I'm doing the cooking out of necessity rather than enjoyment. And that makes me sad because cooking is one of my favorite things to do. Especially since I got some seriously awesome birthday gifts in the form of cookbooks, ice cream makers and an immersion blender. We're talking about some serious kitchen loot and I've hardly touched it because I haven't had time. But as with all other things and the use of laxatives, this, too, shall pass. Not that I'm taking laxatives. Or that anyone needs to be. In fact, there are no laxatives here. Just forget I mentioned that part. Anyway, the light is at the end of the tunnel and there will be suntanning and fruity umbrella drinks when I get there. I am counting down the days.
For those of you familiar with the origin of the "can of care" thing, my apologies. I do, however, I feel that it's apropos of the way I'm feeling right now. I am really struggling with staying on top of schoolwork what with the insane workload, prep for my exit exam, 2 out-of-town trips scheduled 2 weeks apart and home/life maintenance that has got to be done. You can only outsource and/or ignore so much stuff, you know?
This apathy is hard on me. I got B's on exams for two separate classes and, folks, I am NOT a B student. But apparently I am now. It wasn't for lack of studying, I just didn't retain the information. Also, I committed the cardinal sin of changing my answer after I had selected an appropriate response to the question. And I did it more than once. What the hell is wrong with me? I stopped myself from doing that back in March. Blarg. Before you say anything about grades not being that important, grades do matter when you know you're going to be one of 1,000 applicants for 15 slots at the only hospital in the Bay Area that is continuing its new grad hiring program. Boo. Also, taking ACLS (advanced cardiac life support) classes help but that's a whole weekend of studying and doing of homework down the tubes b/c now I'll be in this class. Plus it cost $225 (a discounted rate at that). Like I'm made of money or something. Or Michael since he's the one with the job. (Thanks, honey!) I better get a job, that's all I'm saying.
I keep telling myself that I will adjust my attitude and try to work harder/longer/sleep less/whatever the hell it takes to get through this but, man, am I tired. All I want to do is sleep. And you know, I haven't even been doing that much cooking. I cook, but I'm not trying out new recipes and I'm doing the cooking out of necessity rather than enjoyment. And that makes me sad because cooking is one of my favorite things to do. Especially since I got some seriously awesome birthday gifts in the form of cookbooks, ice cream makers and an immersion blender. We're talking about some serious kitchen loot and I've hardly touched it because I haven't had time. But as with all other things and the use of laxatives, this, too, shall pass. Not that I'm taking laxatives. Or that anyone needs to be. In fact, there are no laxatives here. Just forget I mentioned that part. Anyway, the light is at the end of the tunnel and there will be suntanning and fruity umbrella drinks when I get there. I am counting down the days.
9.14.2009
There are times...
When I'm so frustrated with the administration at school and feel so utterly disenfranchised that I think I just can't bring myself to go back to campus or pick up a textbook. And I still feel that way for the most part. One of the faculty recently said that all students feel this way once they get over the hump and are just a few months from graduation. I remember feeling like I couldn't wait to be done with school that last time and I just kept saying "...finally, I'm finally going to be done" and I said it so often my mom had it piped onto my graduation cake. Thankfully, the person at the bakery was able to spell it correctly (I'm alluding to the cake my MIL brought to our rehearsal dinner that said simply "Tomorrow!" but the girl at the bakery could NOT, for the life of her, spell "tomorrow" without misspelling it. Repeatedly.)
But, today, I find myself feeling excited for the curriculum and for having had some really interesting experiences as a student. Right now we're doing simultaneous mental health and community health rotations and I'm really enjoying the mental health clinical portion. I'm sure I'll enjoy community health (home health and hospice rotation) but I don't start until tomorrow. Anyway, we have a lot of assignments for extra-curricular projects one of which is observing 2 self-help groups. We're supposed to do AA for one and then anything we want for the second one.
And I have to tell you, dear internets, that attending an AA meeting has to be one of the most interesting things I have ever done. It was absolutely fascinating. And the member were so friendly and welcoming. And they really do introduce themselves by saying "I'm Bob and I'm an alcoholic." And they celebrate anniversaries of sobriety. One member has been sober for 50 years, another 18 years and one 7 months. But everybody applauded these efforts no matter the length of time spent sober. They spent the meeting reading from the Big Book and everyone took turns reading a paragraph and then talking about what that paragraph meant to them. Or to make any other comment and it was humbling. The desperation, the struggle, the rock bottom-ness of it all was sad, inspirational, fascinating and surreal all at the same time. I'm glad I went. Thank you, SMU faculty, for assigning this project. I can't promise to try but I'll try to try to keep this in mind the next time I feel like I can't bring myself to go to campus.
When I'm so frustrated with the administration at school and feel so utterly disenfranchised that I think I just can't bring myself to go back to campus or pick up a textbook. And I still feel that way for the most part. One of the faculty recently said that all students feel this way once they get over the hump and are just a few months from graduation. I remember feeling like I couldn't wait to be done with school that last time and I just kept saying "...finally, I'm finally going to be done" and I said it so often my mom had it piped onto my graduation cake. Thankfully, the person at the bakery was able to spell it correctly (I'm alluding to the cake my MIL brought to our rehearsal dinner that said simply "Tomorrow!" but the girl at the bakery could NOT, for the life of her, spell "tomorrow" without misspelling it. Repeatedly.)
But, today, I find myself feeling excited for the curriculum and for having had some really interesting experiences as a student. Right now we're doing simultaneous mental health and community health rotations and I'm really enjoying the mental health clinical portion. I'm sure I'll enjoy community health (home health and hospice rotation) but I don't start until tomorrow. Anyway, we have a lot of assignments for extra-curricular projects one of which is observing 2 self-help groups. We're supposed to do AA for one and then anything we want for the second one.
And I have to tell you, dear internets, that attending an AA meeting has to be one of the most interesting things I have ever done. It was absolutely fascinating. And the member were so friendly and welcoming. And they really do introduce themselves by saying "I'm Bob and I'm an alcoholic." And they celebrate anniversaries of sobriety. One member has been sober for 50 years, another 18 years and one 7 months. But everybody applauded these efforts no matter the length of time spent sober. They spent the meeting reading from the Big Book and everyone took turns reading a paragraph and then talking about what that paragraph meant to them. Or to make any other comment and it was humbling. The desperation, the struggle, the rock bottom-ness of it all was sad, inspirational, fascinating and surreal all at the same time. I'm glad I went. Thank you, SMU faculty, for assigning this project. I can't promise to try but I'll try to try to keep this in mind the next time I feel like I can't bring myself to go to campus.
9.01.2009
Resolution update...
Remember these?
1. Make bread from scratch (no cheating with a bread machine)
2. Donate blood at least 4 times this year (can't do more it more than every 8 wks)
3. Try 3 new recipes every month
4. Do some container gardening...maybe some tomatoes, a pepper plant and some herbs?
5. Meet more of our neighbors besides just the couple next door
6. Do some sort of exercise (besides walking the dog) a minimum of 3 times a week
7. Try at least 3 new restaurants on Murphy Street (there's at least 12 and we eat at the same one every time)
8. Work on being more consistent with my tennis game
9. Hang pictures on the walls that do not feature any member of our families
10. Spend Christmas in Hawaii
11. Make this blog more aesthetically appealing (gotta have a stretch goal)
Well, since I'm so boring a lame and hardly ever post these days, I'm going to pinch hit here and give you a little update on my progress. I still haven't done #1 but then, it's been hot and we don't have air conditioning. I've spied Ina's recipe for Irish soda bread which is not, by the way, the same as the Irish bread we make every year during the holidays and whose recipe I cannot ever share with anyone (Great-Nana Breen's family secret) but I don't think that counts anyway. I'm thinking more like a really good honey whole wheat. Anyway, I'll get there.
Re: #2. Oh, hell, that's a funny story. So, I have given blood 2x so far this year and I just realized I'm due to go back but that's not the funny part. The funny part is how on June 24th, the last time I donated blood, I got pulled over for an incomplete stop at a stop sign because I got lost while trying to find the donation place. And the officer asked me where I was going and I told him "I'm going to give blood." Yeah, I'm sure he believed that one. And he goes off to write my ticket because CA is in a massive budget crunch in case you hadn't heard and do you know how much it was? $212. $212!!!!! For an incomplete stop! Fck. Anyway, it's time to give blood again and I have made damned sure that I have stopped for a full 3 seconds at every stop sign since and you can bet I'll be extra careful when I drive to my next appointment.
Re: #3, I'm right on track. You can head over here to see some of the tasty things I've made as well as the other fabulous recipes we've tried.
Re: #4, I'm only moderately successful here. My herbs are fine although the basils are going south for some unknown reason and the cilantro died before I could transplant it. My cherry tomatoes are starting to come in but I've only seen a handful of the green zebras. The heirlooms, well, that plant hasn't produced a thing. Durr. As for the pepper plant, it said bell pepper on the marker but they sure look like little banana peppers or something besides bell pepper. Better luck next year, I suppose.
Re: #5, we met 2 more neighbors and continue to introduce ourselves to other neighbors while out for walks. Regrettably, we weren't able to participate in the national "Night Out" this summer so we missed an opportunity to meet more neighbors.
Re: #6, well, I have that one in spades. I work out 5 times a week and sometimes as many as 7 times a week depending on my schedule. I'm a big fan of the "Biggest Loser" DVDs and I have 3 Jillian DVDs. Love them. I don't love that I pulled my triceps muscles this weekend when I upped the handweights to 8lbs but I do love that I recently purchased pants and a skirt with a single-digit size tag. I haven't seen that number in years. Years, people. So long ago, in fact, that I can't even remember the last time I bought something in that size. 9th grade or 10th grade, maybe?
Re: #7, we recently tried the 3rd new restaurant and it was pretty tasty.
Re: #8, as always, my tennis game is a work in progress. I've developed a strategy for beating Michael but with his enormous wingspan and my remaining placement inconsistencies, I'm successful only about half the time. I'm also working on my serve and am constantly struggling against the bad habit of backing up while following through with my swing. That's never a good strategy.
As for the rest, well, you can see I haven't touched #11. #10 won't happen until December and I really have no excuse for #9. We just need to spend some time framing a few photos and putting them up. How hard is that, anyway? And yet, it's still not done. It's all a work in progress, right?
Remember these?
1. Make bread from scratch (no cheating with a bread machine)
2. Donate blood at least 4 times this year (can't do more it more than every 8 wks)
3. Try 3 new recipes every month
4. Do some container gardening...maybe some tomatoes, a pepper plant and some herbs?
5. Meet more of our neighbors besides just the couple next door
6. Do some sort of exercise (besides walking the dog) a minimum of 3 times a week
7. Try at least 3 new restaurants on Murphy Street (there's at least 12 and we eat at the same one every time)
8. Work on being more consistent with my tennis game
9. Hang pictures on the walls that do not feature any member of our families
10. Spend Christmas in Hawaii
11. Make this blog more aesthetically appealing (gotta have a stretch goal)
Well, since I'm so boring a lame and hardly ever post these days, I'm going to pinch hit here and give you a little update on my progress. I still haven't done #1 but then, it's been hot and we don't have air conditioning. I've spied Ina's recipe for Irish soda bread which is not, by the way, the same as the Irish bread we make every year during the holidays and whose recipe I cannot ever share with anyone (Great-Nana Breen's family secret) but I don't think that counts anyway. I'm thinking more like a really good honey whole wheat. Anyway, I'll get there.
Re: #2. Oh, hell, that's a funny story. So, I have given blood 2x so far this year and I just realized I'm due to go back but that's not the funny part. The funny part is how on June 24th, the last time I donated blood, I got pulled over for an incomplete stop at a stop sign because I got lost while trying to find the donation place. And the officer asked me where I was going and I told him "I'm going to give blood." Yeah, I'm sure he believed that one. And he goes off to write my ticket because CA is in a massive budget crunch in case you hadn't heard and do you know how much it was? $212. $212!!!!! For an incomplete stop! Fck. Anyway, it's time to give blood again and I have made damned sure that I have stopped for a full 3 seconds at every stop sign since and you can bet I'll be extra careful when I drive to my next appointment.
Re: #3, I'm right on track. You can head over here to see some of the tasty things I've made as well as the other fabulous recipes we've tried.
Re: #4, I'm only moderately successful here. My herbs are fine although the basils are going south for some unknown reason and the cilantro died before I could transplant it. My cherry tomatoes are starting to come in but I've only seen a handful of the green zebras. The heirlooms, well, that plant hasn't produced a thing. Durr. As for the pepper plant, it said bell pepper on the marker but they sure look like little banana peppers or something besides bell pepper. Better luck next year, I suppose.
Re: #5, we met 2 more neighbors and continue to introduce ourselves to other neighbors while out for walks. Regrettably, we weren't able to participate in the national "Night Out" this summer so we missed an opportunity to meet more neighbors.
Re: #6, well, I have that one in spades. I work out 5 times a week and sometimes as many as 7 times a week depending on my schedule. I'm a big fan of the "Biggest Loser" DVDs and I have 3 Jillian DVDs. Love them. I don't love that I pulled my triceps muscles this weekend when I upped the handweights to 8lbs but I do love that I recently purchased pants and a skirt with a single-digit size tag. I haven't seen that number in years. Years, people. So long ago, in fact, that I can't even remember the last time I bought something in that size. 9th grade or 10th grade, maybe?
Re: #7, we recently tried the 3rd new restaurant and it was pretty tasty.
Re: #8, as always, my tennis game is a work in progress. I've developed a strategy for beating Michael but with his enormous wingspan and my remaining placement inconsistencies, I'm successful only about half the time. I'm also working on my serve and am constantly struggling against the bad habit of backing up while following through with my swing. That's never a good strategy.
As for the rest, well, you can see I haven't touched #11. #10 won't happen until December and I really have no excuse for #9. We just need to spend some time framing a few photos and putting them up. How hard is that, anyway? And yet, it's still not done. It's all a work in progress, right?
8.18.2009
That sucked...
I just took my critical care comprehensive final and it was, by far, the worst exam I've ever taken. I know I've said that before but, seriously, this one was the worst. So, to cheer myself up, I'm embarking upon some baking therapy and then I'm going to work out and then I'm sitting down to a nice mixed drink of vodka and blood orange soda over ice. I'm going to sit in my backyard and read the NYT and relax. Can't wait.
I just took my critical care comprehensive final and it was, by far, the worst exam I've ever taken. I know I've said that before but, seriously, this one was the worst. So, to cheer myself up, I'm embarking upon some baking therapy and then I'm going to work out and then I'm sitting down to a nice mixed drink of vodka and blood orange soda over ice. I'm going to sit in my backyard and read the NYT and relax. Can't wait.
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