The right to be smoke free...

I don't usually make a habit of airing dirty family laundry on here but this is something that's been bothering me for a long time. A. Very. Long. Time.

It has become painfully clear to me that my mother, despite her many health issues, is not going to quit smoking. I am not the only person to struggle with this issue, but it is especially painful for me since I've tried very hard to be supportive during said health problems. My brother, on the other hand, is supportive in a different way (read: not my way which obviously means he's doing it wrong). After a recent conversation with him, however, it became all too clear that our mom is not going to quit smoking. Ever.

And the smoking is probably the biggest reason that she and I argue. Hell, we discussed it in therapy A LOT, it was that big. So, since I can't make my mom quit smoking and my efforts to get her to quit aren't working, then something has to change. I can't change her but I can change the way I choose to deal with this situation. So, I told her that we would love for her to visit and we would love for her to stay with us at X-mas but she can't smoke while she's here. And I don't just mean not smoking in the house which has never been allowed anyway, but no smoking at all. No smoking on the porch, in the car, at the gas station up the street. No smoking at all while she's here. Second hand smoke is nasty. It smells bad and it lingers on the smoker and anything she touches for days. And it is gross and disgusting. And when a smoker has to go outside and smoke then that person is leaving what you're doing at that time or if you have to wait for that person to finish a cigarette before getting back in the car to go somewhere then it holds you up and it makes your car smell bad. Besides that, second hand smoke smell is every bit as bad for my allergies as being right next to a burning cigarette.

So, that's my decision and I'm sticking to it. If my mom can't honor that request then I guess she won't be coming to visit. And that would make me really sad. I know that cigarettes are terribly addictive and my mom has been smoking longer than she hasn't but it is a disease and cancer-causing addiction. And I'm not going to compromise on this issue any longer.