2.03.2010

Almost Wordless Wednesday...




This is my friend Janice from school who came over for dinner to join in our celebration of passing the NCLEX. I know the photo needs some editing but I haven't figured out how to do that yet. The champagne was nice and chilled and we had a good time. Cheers!

2.02.2010

2009 Recap...

As always, I'm late with posting so just ignore the fact that it's Feb. 2nd already. Technically, I started this on Jan. 10th.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?

Attended and graduated from an accelerated bachelors in nursing program. Learning that medicine has to have a special name for every bodily function. You can’t just say nose bleed you have to say “epistaxis.” Bed-wetting is “enuresis.” And gall bladder removal is “cholecystectomy.” I could go on and on about this but nursing school is pretty much all I did during 2009 so we’ll just leave it at that.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

They were more like goals than resolutions but I met most of them. My container gardening experiment went south when the damned squirrels started digging up all my plants despite my efforts to fence everything in. Stupid squirrels. I did not manage to make bread from scratch until last weekend and I had a bit of a bread fail. I’ll work on that. And we did go to Hawaii for Christmas, so check!

I did make 2 resolutions for 2010: no talking on the cell phone while driving (not even with my ear bud) and doing less multi-tasking. I make myself nutty with too much multi-tasking so it’s time to cut back a bit.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Yes.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Yes. I don’t want to talk about it.

5. What countries did you visit?

None. Again. But that was expected this year. I did however go to Atlanta and Hawaii and I rather enjoyed myself. Besides, with Hawaii, it feels like you’re going to another county because it’s unlike anywhere in the contiguous U.S. Even Florida. Florida may have palm trees but it does not have huge blobs of lava rock everywhere.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

Um, a job? Hello, Universe, it’s me again. I’m unemployed. Again. I need a job. Preferably one in California, please. Also, more time to read. And I don’t just mean textbooks and nursing journals. More Sundays spent reading the NYT drinking coffee with my husband.

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

There are many but in an attempt to focus on the more positive events, I’ll just note that 1/5/09 was the first day of school and 12/6/09 was my Pinning ceremony and 12/20/09 was my last day of preceptorship at the hospital.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

See #1.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Getting a B+ in Maternity. Ok, really, in the long run, not such a failure. That class was f’ing hard. In the beginning of the year, I had a hard time keeping grades and things in perspective. I started doing a better job of it in the fall. Maybe that had to do with the fact that I was tired of being in school and my can of care was running low.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

2 sinus infections and horrible neck spasms that rendered me pretty helpless while Michael was 2,000 miles away visiting his parents. That sucked.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Underwear that fits. Brand new sneakers for the first time in 5 years. What was I thinking?

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Michael. He has been a total rock star and I could not have made it through this year without him. Or any year, for that matter. Because he’s awesome.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Well, we finally rid ourselves of Bush but his wrongdoings live on. Also, the Republicans and Joe Fcking Lieberman. Seriously, why are you trying to sabotage health care reform? What the hell is wrong with you?

14. Where did most of your money go?

Since I was unemployed, I did not make any money. :<

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Our vacation. It was long overdue.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?

I don’t know. I’ll have to think about this one. Probably any song by Lady Gaga because she's always on the radio whenever I switch over to the music stations.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder? about the same
b) thinner or fatter? thinner
c) richer or poorer? I’m, like, negative poor. I’m in debt to the gov’t and the bank. Boo.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Leisurely reading but, hey, that was a pipe dream anyway. Unless I could suddenly learn to live on only 4 hours of sleep. Um, yoga. I really should have done more of that. Taking what blessedly few breaks from school that I had and really trying to relax instead of running a mile a minute to do life maintenance. Also, loving on my husband. And I don’t mean just the naked tango, people.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Freaking out about grades. Getting worked up by classmates who cheat because they won’t be able to cheat on the NCLEX. Good luck passing that one. And, as always, worrying. I worry about everything. It’s not always very helpful.

20. How will you be spending did you spend Christmas?

In Hawaii. We went on a walk down the coastline and watched the surfers for a bit. Later we went to a luau and had some pretty tasty food. The poi was okay. Pretty starchy. Also? Mai Tais are good. So is a well made pina colada.

23. What was your favorite TV program?

House. I love me some Hugh Laurie. Also, I particularly enjoy the Daily Show and the Colbert Report. It was easy to watch the occasional 21 min. show on the C C website without commercials. It was a nice little break from studying.

25. What was the best book you read?

Ha! 20 textbooks, maybe? Okay, I really only got to read, like, 2 books this year. I read Kitchen Confidential and loved it. Also, another book in the Outlander series, Drums of Autumn. Mostly I read the NYT. Even then I usually only got through the Style section and the magazine.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?

KCSM 91.1, the local jazz station. I just love the really mellow jazz they play from 6-9pm on weeknights.

27. What did you want and get?

To get through nursing school without losing my sanity. There were a few close calls. But also, I made some new friends. It helps make California feel more home-like when you have friends. Visits to the weekly farmers markets and if I couldn’t go, Michael did so we still got to eat really awesome fresh produce every week.

28. What did you want and not get?

Universal health care. A less effed up family. You can pick your nose and you can pick your friends but you can’t pick your family. Wait, I don’t think that’s how that’s supposed to go.

29. What was your favorite film of this year?

Nothing comes to mind. Well, I saw Spinal Tap again. But it goes to eleven.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I was 32 and I don’t remember. How sad.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Bountiful job offers at the end of school. Wow, I’m like a broken record here.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?

White scrubs which I do NOT recommend.

33. What kept you sane?

My husband and my friends and coffee and flannel sheets and baking. There was a lot of stress baking.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Hugh Laurie and Stephen Colbert. I can’t help it.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.

Don’t sweat the small stuff. Seriously. Worry a little less. Try to keep things in perspective. Always realize that there’s more than one point of view. Perception is reality. Not to take it personally when a schizophrenic calls you a dirty whore.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

I’m never any good at this. I never download new music and I mostly listen to NPR. I don’t know…something, something, something, poker face.

11.24.2009

ANXIETY!

Who doesn't have anxiety these days, right? But I have a new anxiety on the horizon and the endless surprise at the cause of my anxiety is giving me more anxiety.

My last day of school is less than one month from today. Good, right? Yes. And no. Yes, it's good that school is almost over. I'm very happy about this. But. Now this means that it's time to get that resume into shape and start applying for jobs. And this gives me anxiety because there are no jobs for new grads in California. Boo. Let me repeat that. There. Are. No. Jobs. For. New. Grads. In. California.

Seriously. This is not me be overly dramatic about an abysmal job market. It's for real. Everyone knows there's a nursing shortage, even here, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm looking outside of CA for job opportunities. And having to convince people that as a new grad I'm at the bottom of the applicant pool for jobs here grows wearisome. So! Carry on smartly, I must! Avoid typing in Yoda-speak, I must! I will be looking for new grad openings around the country, preferably on the West Coast but maybe somewhere near where you live. Didn't you say you wanted a roommate for a year?

For now, tho, I'm putting job stuff on the back burner. Until Dec. 20th, I still have school obligations so I'm not off the hook yet. Then I need to focus on the NCLEX. And theeeennnnnn, on jobs. In the meantime, all I want to do is bury my head in the sand and not come up until hospitals in this state realize that being penny-wise and pound-foolish is not a good long term strategy.

11.10.2009

Beware the extra credit opportunity...

Because sometimes you sign on for extra credit projects and find out from the professor that your group has to make a music video. And the professor picks the song. And we can't back out. Oh, god, what have we done?

10.26.2009

Trying to take some time to smell the roses...

I'm a planner. I like to plan things. In advance. Like, way in advance sometimes. And I don't often take the time to enjoy what I'm doing, when I'm doing it where ever it is that I'm at (noooooooooo, don't end a sentence with a prepositional phrase!!!!). And when I'm overwhelmed by the amount of stuff I need to do and feel stressed, I plan even more and enjoy the moment a lot less.

But today I tried to stop and enjoy what beautiful NorCal weather we're having and the wind sweeping the fallen leaves through the streets and the smell of clean laundry and coffee crunch bar cookies baking in the oven. Oh, and perhaps most importantly, the tickle-y feeling of my husband lightly rubbing my feet. Love that. My house is tidied up and the dog is asleep in the "doggie doughnut" position and Michael and I are yuppy-ing it up on our laptops. He's checking out ESPN and I'm cruising the 10 or so cooking blogs that I've bookmarked. Right now I'm in the moment and it feels good.

10.08.2009

Nothing but backwash in my can of care...

For those of you familiar with the origin of the "can of care" thing, my apologies. I do, however, I feel that it's apropos of the way I'm feeling right now. I am really struggling with staying on top of schoolwork what with the insane workload, prep for my exit exam, 2 out-of-town trips scheduled 2 weeks apart and home/life maintenance that has got to be done. You can only outsource and/or ignore so much stuff, you know?

This apathy is hard on me. I got B's on exams for two separate classes and, folks, I am NOT a B student. But apparently I am now. It wasn't for lack of studying, I just didn't retain the information. Also, I committed the cardinal sin of changing my answer after I had selected an appropriate response to the question. And I did it more than once. What the hell is wrong with me? I stopped myself from doing that back in March. Blarg. Before you say anything about grades not being that important, grades do matter when you know you're going to be one of 1,000 applicants for 15 slots at the only hospital in the Bay Area that is continuing its new grad hiring program. Boo. Also, taking ACLS (advanced cardiac life support) classes help but that's a whole weekend of studying and doing of homework down the tubes b/c now I'll be in this class. Plus it cost $225 (a discounted rate at that). Like I'm made of money or something. Or Michael since he's the one with the job. (Thanks, honey!) I better get a job, that's all I'm saying.

I keep telling myself that I will adjust my attitude and try to work harder/longer/sleep less/whatever the hell it takes to get through this but, man, am I tired. All I want to do is sleep. And you know, I haven't even been doing that much cooking. I cook, but I'm not trying out new recipes and I'm doing the cooking out of necessity rather than enjoyment. And that makes me sad because cooking is one of my favorite things to do. Especially since I got some seriously awesome birthday gifts in the form of cookbooks, ice cream makers and an immersion blender. We're talking about some serious kitchen loot and I've hardly touched it because I haven't had time. But as with all other things and the use of laxatives, this, too, shall pass. Not that I'm taking laxatives. Or that anyone needs to be. In fact, there are no laxatives here. Just forget I mentioned that part. Anyway, the light is at the end of the tunnel and there will be suntanning and fruity umbrella drinks when I get there. I am counting down the days.

9.14.2009

There are times...

When I'm so frustrated with the administration at school and feel so utterly disenfranchised that I think I just can't bring myself to go back to campus or pick up a textbook. And I still feel that way for the most part. One of the faculty recently said that all students feel this way once they get over the hump and are just a few months from graduation. I remember feeling like I couldn't wait to be done with school that last time and I just kept saying "...finally, I'm finally going to be done" and I said it so often my mom had it piped onto my graduation cake. Thankfully, the person at the bakery was able to spell it correctly (I'm alluding to the cake my MIL brought to our rehearsal dinner that said simply "Tomorrow!" but the girl at the bakery could NOT, for the life of her, spell "tomorrow" without misspelling it. Repeatedly.)

But, today, I find myself feeling excited for the curriculum and for having had some really interesting experiences as a student. Right now we're doing simultaneous mental health and community health rotations and I'm really enjoying the mental health clinical portion. I'm sure I'll enjoy community health (home health and hospice rotation) but I don't start until tomorrow. Anyway, we have a lot of assignments for extra-curricular projects one of which is observing 2 self-help groups. We're supposed to do AA for one and then anything we want for the second one.

And I have to tell you, dear internets, that attending an AA meeting has to be one of the most interesting things I have ever done. It was absolutely fascinating. And the member were so friendly and welcoming. And they really do introduce themselves by saying "I'm Bob and I'm an alcoholic." And they celebrate anniversaries of sobriety. One member has been sober for 50 years, another 18 years and one 7 months. But everybody applauded these efforts no matter the length of time spent sober. They spent the meeting reading from the Big Book and everyone took turns reading a paragraph and then talking about what that paragraph meant to them. Or to make any other comment and it was humbling. The desperation, the struggle, the rock bottom-ness of it all was sad, inspirational, fascinating and surreal all at the same time. I'm glad I went. Thank you, SMU faculty, for assigning this project. I can't promise to try but I'll try to try to keep this in mind the next time I feel like I can't bring myself to go to campus.