First day! On the ward!

There have been many times that I've thought about taking down this blog. I usually don't have anything important to say and when I look back thru the archives (not often because, well, I sound like an idiot which brings me back to my point) I am amazed at how ridiculous I sound. I'm certainly not trying to find a cure for cancer or bring about world peace here. But I also know that if I take it down I'll never write in a journal either. I had a number of empty journals laying around because I could't bring myself to write in them. They have since gone to Goodwill where someone else can buy them and keep them around the house to gather dust. But somehow this blog seems like a reasonable medium to jot down some thoughts because sometimes people come over here to read what I have to say. And by people I mean Michael.

But I digress. Today is one of those days where I think it's important to make a note of what I was thinking. Today is going to be our first day of our first clinical rotation. Yesterday doesn't count because we filled out about a million pages of paperwork and took a tour of our new home for the next 9 weeks. But today. Today. Today is the day. And can I just tell you that I am scared out of my mind? They are going to let us do things to people and we are going to try not to kill them. I imagine that med students feel a little like this, too.

Of course we'll start of easy with checking of vital signs and all that but still. What if I look at someone wrong and he keels over? It's not like we're left on the ward by ourselves, certainly not. Our supervisor will be with us the whole time and yet it's scary. Our instructors have spent the last 6 weeks drilling ethics and protocol and liability into our heads because those things are very important but now we're about to put that stuff plus actual nursing skills into practice. This is scary. Very sick people are going to let us take their vitals, help them ambulate, help them use the bathroom, give them bed baths, give them meds and, just maybe, put in a few foley catheters and nasogastric tubes. !!!!!!!!!

So, dear internets, I tell you how scared shitless I am right now but when I go to the hospital today I will exude total confidence to the patients in my care. I will be friendly and will try not to let my hands shake nervously. I will wash my hands a lot and will hope they won't feel too clammy and cold. I will be careful and deliberate in my movements and will strive to be gentle when I have to adjust equipment or parts of the body. I already cut and filed my fingernails and removed my wedding rings and I'll remember not to wear perfume. Okay, deep breath. Wish me luck.