Trying to take some time to smell the roses...

I'm a planner. I like to plan things. In advance. Like, way in advance sometimes. And I don't often take the time to enjoy what I'm doing, when I'm doing it where ever it is that I'm at (noooooooooo, don't end a sentence with a prepositional phrase!!!!). And when I'm overwhelmed by the amount of stuff I need to do and feel stressed, I plan even more and enjoy the moment a lot less.

But today I tried to stop and enjoy what beautiful NorCal weather we're having and the wind sweeping the fallen leaves through the streets and the smell of clean laundry and coffee crunch bar cookies baking in the oven. Oh, and perhaps most importantly, the tickle-y feeling of my husband lightly rubbing my feet. Love that. My house is tidied up and the dog is asleep in the "doggie doughnut" position and Michael and I are yuppy-ing it up on our laptops. He's checking out ESPN and I'm cruising the 10 or so cooking blogs that I've bookmarked. Right now I'm in the moment and it feels good.

Nothing but backwash in my can of care...

For those of you familiar with the origin of the "can of care" thing, my apologies. I do, however, I feel that it's apropos of the way I'm feeling right now. I am really struggling with staying on top of schoolwork what with the insane workload, prep for my exit exam, 2 out-of-town trips scheduled 2 weeks apart and home/life maintenance that has got to be done. You can only outsource and/or ignore so much stuff, you know?

This apathy is hard on me. I got B's on exams for two separate classes and, folks, I am NOT a B student. But apparently I am now. It wasn't for lack of studying, I just didn't retain the information. Also, I committed the cardinal sin of changing my answer after I had selected an appropriate response to the question. And I did it more than once. What the hell is wrong with me? I stopped myself from doing that back in March. Blarg. Before you say anything about grades not being that important, grades do matter when you know you're going to be one of 1,000 applicants for 15 slots at the only hospital in the Bay Area that is continuing its new grad hiring program. Boo. Also, taking ACLS (advanced cardiac life support) classes help but that's a whole weekend of studying and doing of homework down the tubes b/c now I'll be in this class. Plus it cost $225 (a discounted rate at that). Like I'm made of money or something. Or Michael since he's the one with the job. (Thanks, honey!) I better get a job, that's all I'm saying.

I keep telling myself that I will adjust my attitude and try to work harder/longer/sleep less/whatever the hell it takes to get through this but, man, am I tired. All I want to do is sleep. And you know, I haven't even been doing that much cooking. I cook, but I'm not trying out new recipes and I'm doing the cooking out of necessity rather than enjoyment. And that makes me sad because cooking is one of my favorite things to do. Especially since I got some seriously awesome birthday gifts in the form of cookbooks, ice cream makers and an immersion blender. We're talking about some serious kitchen loot and I've hardly touched it because I haven't had time. But as with all other things and the use of laxatives, this, too, shall pass. Not that I'm taking laxatives. Or that anyone needs to be. In fact, there are no laxatives here. Just forget I mentioned that part. Anyway, the light is at the end of the tunnel and there will be suntanning and fruity umbrella drinks when I get there. I am counting down the days.