It seems like it's all about feces...

If you can't tell by the title that this post is about to err on the side of gross, well, you've been warned.

Ah, yes, poop. My favorite topic of conversation. So, for the benefit of those of you who are doomed to listen to me bitch about how tough this program is (you know, the one I so desperately wanted to get into) and for the rest of you who might be interested in what goes on in a nursing program, well, it can be summed up in one word: poop. Or feces. Or excrement. You decide which word you prefer.

So much of what I'm learning is about poop. It's about other things too like liability (scary!), teaching (fun!) , administering medication (also scary!), bathing (sometimes I'll get to delegate that one), assessment and diagnosis (nursing not medical) and, yes, toileting. And, yes, the poop.

The poop tells you so many things about a person's health status but also about their level of mobility. Even a perfectly innocuous discussion about pressure ulcers ends up with some chit chat about wanting to clean up diarrhea before it gets near the wound dressings. See? Poop. (Also, exudate and other perfectly nasty stuff involving pressure ulcers). Or, narcotics for post-surgical patients slows peristalsis and frequently results in constipation. Let's talk about how we treat constipation (also, you don't even want to know about fecal impaction and digital removal). During a health assessment, auscultate, palpate and percuss the abdomen and be sure to ask about the frequency and quality of bowel movements. Truly, we talk about poop at least 3 times a day 5 days a week.

Clinical rotations are going to be assigned next week. We'll be spending 10 weeks in a post-acute setting and will be spending a lot of time helping patients ambulate and assisting with self-care, toileting, etc. and I understand that poop will play a prominent role during this assignment. I assure you there will be more to share than just poop talk so stay tuned.

I know I talk a lot about poop but please know that nursing is so much more than bodily functions. Consider this:

The unique function of the nurse is to assist the individual, sick or well, in the performance of those activities contributing to health or its recovery (or to peaceful death) that he would perform unaided if he had the necessary strength, will or knowledge. And to do this in such a way as to help him gain independence as rapidly as possible.

-Virginia Henderson, 1966

Procrastination...

I'm supposed to be editing my 3-page paper written in APA format that absolutely cannot be more than 3 pages but requires ridiculous requests of 1.5 left and right margins, paragraph headers and Times New Roman 12 pt font (which I hate, by the way) and cannot get myself motivated to do it. I wrote it on Sunday...and I think I'm just tired of looking at it but I know my professor is going to ding me if it isn't perfect (duh). I can't bring myself to care.

This has not been a good week so far and it's only Tuesday. The dog is being a pain in the ass and refusing to pee (she's also counter surfing and required a $300 visit to the emergency vet for x-rays to make sure everything she ate came back up), Michael and I are in the Land of Miscommunication, I have a ton of reading to do and I'm not getting enough sleep at night. So instead of finishing the essay, reading any of my books, calling Pam for an appointment to deal with Esme's misbehavior or sleeping, I'm surfing the internets and am in total denial about everything. Also, even tho it's not as cold as where all of you are, it's cold enough that my hands are too cold to type without making a million typos. I feel like I need something to help me clear my head and get back on track. I've tried exercise and yoga. I've baked cookies. I've had a beer. Nothing works. Maybe a bubble bath? A vacation? A million dollars? A game of Sn00d?

Ausculation, Palpation and Percussion, oh, my!

As Michael likes to point out I am 4% closer to my BSN as of last Friday. As you can see by the title of this post I am up to my eyeballs in all things health assessment related. It's exciting, fun, scary and amazing all at once.

I know it's been ages since I last posted but I've been busy, blah, blah, blah, right? Aren't we all busy? And depressed about the economy. But happy about the inauguration. And needing more sleep. But trying out yummy new recipes.

So, I'm 2 weeks into my nursing program and it is BUSY. Lots of reading, lots of time spent in class and lab, lots of time at home reading some more. It's really interesting and it's all stuff I need to know (duh) but it comes at you at such a rapid fire pace that it's hard to stay on top of it. We'll start our hospital rotations in 3 weeks. No word yet on where we'll be placed for the first one. I hope it's somewhere a little closer to home.

Michael and I are settling in to the new routine. I think the dog is just glad when we leave the house in the morning so she can go sleep on our bed all day. My scrubs arrived as have my shoes. My loan finally got processed just in time to do taxes and submit a 2009/2010 FAFSA. My stethi arrived and I've managed to avoid spilling coffee all over my white scrubs. Did I mention that they are white? As in head-to-toe white?

That's about it. If any of you lived closer I would force you to let me practice health assessments on you and ask about your bowel movements and whether or not you wear sunscreen on a regular basis. Then I would check your pulse and listen to your lungs. See what you're missing?!? That and some 68 degree weather (which is warmer than normal at this time of year but I'll take it).

Hope you're all staying warm and have your glasses raised in honor of our new president. Cheers!