What's in a name?

Well, everything, if you ask me. And since this is my blog, my opinion reigns supreme here--bwah-ha-ha!

Last week I was helping some co-workers assemble a mailing to some of our rich-y rich donors and I noticed that many of the invitations were addressed to Mr. & Mrs. Man's First Name Man's Last name. I commented that I was so surprised to see that since Mr. Man's First Name & Mrs. Woman's First Name Man's Surname is more common and not as egregiously patriarchal as the first option. This comment sparked a discussion about name changes and was I going to take Michael's last name when we marry. When I said that I wouldn't dream of changing my name, someone commented "Oh, you're one of THEM." Them? Who the hell is "them?" If by "them," you mean someone who doesn't feel bound by the patriarchal tradition of changing one's name to her husband's, then I guess I am one of "them."

Changing your name or not changing your name is a deeply personal decision and each woman (and some men) has to do what is right for her. For me, changing my name would mean losing my identity. I have been K.A.S. for the last 26+ years (28 by the time we get hitched) and my name is just as much a part of me as anything else. I will be K.A.S. for the rest of my life. Michael taking my name or both of us adopting a new name is not really an option as neither one of us wants to change our names. And hyphenation is so not an option. Our names combined are just way too comical, even if we wanted to consider it.

So, after I state my case for not changing my name, I get the "But what about the kids?" question. What about them? Who said we were going to have any? Why do we all have to have the same name? Why do we have to decide right now especially since he/she isn't even a twinkle in my eye? That is a decision to be made when we need to fill out the birth certificate. In, oh, about 5 years. Or more.

The most recent study I read showed that fewer than 20% of women change their names after marriage, but still 20% is nothing to sneeze at. It's approximately 1/5 of all married women, so it's not like keeping my name is all that uncommon, like Lucy Stone keeping her name in the mid-1800's. Although, it's not like I didn't expect people to be surprised (not sure if that's the word I'm looking for), but I guess I didn't expect people to care so much. And it will only get worse as we get closer to actually being married (which is still over a year away). Durr....