An FAQ sheet I want to staple to my forehead...

I have been *officially* unemployed for 3 months now. Technically it's been 4 months but I don't count the month of January since I spent the entire month preparing for my boards. Thus, I have spent the last 3 months applying for and being rejected for RN jobs in CA and other states. I have been networking and meeting new people and trying not to sound as bitter as I feel on the inside. I know people mean well and often just don't know what to say. But, folks, now I'm at the point where I am going to rip my arm off and beat myself senseless with it if I have to explain. One. More. Time. Why I am an unemployed RN.

That seems a bit...drastic, yes? So, perhaps an FAQ I could staple to my effing forehead would be a bit more appropriate. After the obligatory "I'm looking for work" intro, I'm thinking it should go something like this:

But you're a NURSE! Isn't there a shortage?

(Sigh...) Yes, there is still a shortage in parts of the country but hospitals are clamping down on expenses and training a graduate nurse is expensive. Hospitals would rather pay a travel nurse who can start right away and not need any training short of a 2 day orientation to how *that* hospital operates, protocols, etc.

But all you hear about in the news is that health care is recession-proof...

The reality is that the recession has hurt many workers including nurses and their families. Nurses who were planning to retire have delayed doing so because their retirement accounts tanked and/or their spouse was laid off and they need the income. Additionally, many nurses who might have left one hospital for another have stayed in their current position until the economy improves. Due to these factors, hospitals have not been forced to hire new grads since so many experienced nurse have stuck around.

Have you tried talking to So-and-so? His wife is a doctor at XYZ hospital?

Yes, I have talked to his wife and the hospital she works for is not hiring new graduates. Knowing a doctor can be a useful connection but it is rare that a doctor can influence a hiring a decision unless the hospital is willing to hire a new grad.

Have you tried looking at doctor's offices/surgery centers/clinics?

Yes, of course I have. They aren't hiring either. No one wants to take the time or spend the money to train a new grad when there are experienced nurses whom they'd rather hire.

What about a nursing home?

(Smacks self in face). Well, there's a lot of stigma against nurses who work in nursing homes (skilled nursing facility or SNF is the preferred term) and many hospitals will not hire a nurse who came from a SNF. I don't know why that it is the case but it's something to keep in mind. Also, nurses supervise a lot of unlicensed assistive personnel in SNFs and it's her/his license on the line when something goes wrong. Frankly, I'm not comfortable going to a SNF at this time.

Well, isn't St@nford hiring? I mean, gosh, their hospital is huge!

Well, for one thing, no, they aren't hiring. Earlier this year they received 750 applications for 10 slots, interviewed 100 applicants and hired 7 of them. They currently have no plans to hire another cohort of new grads at this time. Also, they are doing something particularly horrible to the nurses currently employed there and given what I know about the situation, I'm not sure that hospital system is a very nice place to work even if they were hiring.

Oh, well, you're smart, I'm sure you'll find something.

That's very kind of you to say. There are thousands of new grads like me who are smart who are also unemployed.

The end.

Blarg. See? I sound bitter. And the longer I remain unemployed the more bitter I become and the more attractive the military starts to look. I mean, hell, they pay good wages and they offer loan forgiveness. I just don't want my ass shipped to Baghdad no matter how good of an experience I would get. I don't know. Maybe it really is time to say "fuck it," stop looking and wait tables. Happy National Nurses Week.