2.26.2010

Hey, jealousy...

While I am genuinely happy for my classmates who have gotten interviews and the few that have been fortunate enough to get jobs already I can't help but feel a bit jealous. Granted, one of my classmates was already working at a hospital as an ER tech and he had an automatic job as an RN as soon as he got his license. The other one got a job at the nursery in a women's prison but that had as much to do with his background as a social worker as anything else. Bu, still, they have jobs that are local and are contributing to the family income.

Another classmate got a job offer this morning. It's at a SNF...I'm not jealous of the job itself but that she got an offer and I have nothing. Hell, she's never had a job before and I have 10 years of professional experience. Durr. I know, maybe I should just march my ass over to a SNF right now and try to get hired. Except that I know that SNFs can be a dangerous place for RNs and I don't want to lose my license. SNFs are notoriously understaffed and what people don't realize is that LPNs and UAPs (unlicensed assistive personnel) are under the supervision of the RN. If they make a mistake or don't turn a patient who develops some crazy ass decubitus ulcer that rapidly becomes stage IV and starts tunneling, guess whose ass is on the line? Also, hiring managers come right out and tell you they won't hire you if you came from a SNF. But, damn, it feels like being caught between a rock and a hard place. And yet, I'm still jealous. What the hell? This just feels like 2001 all over again.

2.24.2010

Demoralizing to say the least...

#1) Looking for a job in this market when NO ONE wants to hire new grads. Or they might consider it if they have to but even then they only have one position available. And then spending hours and hours filling out online applications including writing a cover letter and submitting to a mandatory background and credit check and then the website crashing and my computer decides to shut down and install some updates and now my job application is utterly lost as are all the tabs I had open in Firef0x. Sobbing into phone to husband who feels so badly for me he comes home half an hour early and then goes to pick up Chip0tle for dinner. That part was good.

#2) Trying on and purchasing fat smoothing undergarments to wear under the dress I bought for Michael's company holiday party this Saturday. I came home and tried it on under my dress and it looks really nice but, blarg, I hate this kind of stuff. Squishing one's imperfections with crazy undergarments, etc. a la Bridget Jones is occasionally a must if one wants to wear something formfitting. I'm okay with that part. It's the shopping for it that I find so insufferable. For one thing, it feels like you're trying to wriggle into a sausage casing. For another, it was not cheap but on the other hand I'll have it for a long time and can wear it under other dresses when fat smoothing becomes necessary. And, hey, the dress was only $20 and it's really cute.

See that? I'm trying to find some sort of silver lining. I know there are unemployed people out there who have it way worse than I do but I don't live their lives--I live mine--and keeping perspective is harder on some days than on others.

2.18.2010

I remember when...

There was a time when I didn't say things like "I remember when..." like some rambling old person who was born back in the time of Christ. Just kidding, I love me some old people. But really, I think I say "I remember when..." or "When I was in college [the first time]..." way more than I used to.

Technology and tech applications are so different than they used to be. Last night I picked out a new cell phone because I am an idiot and fatally wounded my latest replacement. I told they guy to show me the phones that old people buy. And I was being completely serious. Well, almost. I did pick one of those phones but at least I didn't pick the model with the enormous number buttons. Phones are just so complicated these days. I just want one that calls people and lets me send text messages. And I wasn't eligible for one of the slider phones with the QWERTY keyboard because I refuse to pay for a data plan. Or an increased text messaging plan. Remember when you just made phone calls with your phone? Remember the time before cell phones? Geez, that just seems so long ago.

And then there's the job search. Using the internet is nice in a lot of ways and facilitates the search part but it makes applying for jobs hell on earth. I remember when you printed out your resume, typed up a cover letter and drove over to Kink0's to fax your documents. Now, you apply on line and it takes hours to get through one application process. And, as happened yesterday, I was issued an instantaneous rejection letter via email within seconds of submitting my app. Seconds, people, seconds. That's kind of demoralizing. Sigh...I don't know, it just seems like it shouldn't be this hard of a process nor such a long one. And it makes me long for the days of faxing documents from Kink0's.

2.15.2010

The struggle to maintain a balanced diet...

Prompted in part by this interesting article on Salon.com today. But then, I regularly think of nutrition and proper eating and getting exercise and the like but some days it's harder than others. Especially since I've entered the unemployed phase (again) of my life. Cooking and baking are among several of my hobbies and since I'm not working, I've been doing more of both. Well, I've been cooking all this time or else we would have eaten little more than Annie's Mac & Cheese, pierogies or Chip0tle. But now I have lots more time to spend in my kitchen and here's a sampling of what I've made: Mississippi Mud Balls, Cherry Chocolate Biscotti, Shortbread Cookies, Lemon Frozen Yogurt, Pecan and Chocolate Covered English Toffee, Granola and Lemon Cake.

Yes, I've cooked food somewhere in there. You know, stuff with vegetables and all. And I sent most of what I baked in to Michael's office and some of it went with Michael when he left to visit his parents. Except the granola. It's in the oven now and it's not leaving this house. Anyway, baking is so much fun and so is tasting what you make. And I am a taster. I taste all the time. That's part of the problem, you see. Then I taste the finished product. And it's always good if I do say so myself. But after the baking is over and the goodies are packed away, they call to me. I can hear them through the tupperware or the freezer or where ever they are stored. And that, my friends, is the problem. That's why this stuff goes to Michael's office.

And then there's the bread making I made as one of my goals for the year. I've baked two batches so far and both were quite good. Both were also made with whole wheat flour. I like wheat bread anyway so that's no sacrifice. But the finished product just tastes so good that I would almost eat it to the exclusion of my dinner. Maybe I need to find some new hobbies that keep me out of the kitchen. Or maybe I need to hang out with Jillian and Bob more often (not like I don't hang out with them enough already). Or maybe I should wear a H@nnibal Lect0r mask while I bake. Or, maybe, I should get a damned job already.

2.05.2010

Life maintenance part bazillion...

Folks, I am catching up on months of life maintenance here and it feels like I'll never get to the end of the list of things to do. And the list is long. But I am making progress so that's a good thing. In fact, we finally got a major project done and I'm very pleased. We cleaned out our garage and while we'll never be able to park our car in it (almost no one around here parks in their garage--it's like a storage unit attached to your house), we can get to stuff and there's space to spread out laundry baskets and the like.

I'm also working on selling some things. Mostly books from school and a few other things as well. But that is a time suck like I never imagined. It really takes time to sit there a post all these books to am@zon.c0m and then pick a price that isn't too high and not too low. And in an effort to avoid having to ship all of them (there's probably 15 books or so), I'm trying to sell a few of them to the ABSN cohort that started in January. That way all I have to do it drive 30 miles to campus and unload them all at once. I'm still hoping someone might want to buy my scrubs but no word so far on that. Otherwise, those awful things are going in the trash. I don't mind white scrubs per se but these did not fit terribly well, didn't have enough pockets and also have the school's logo on them. As I am no longer a student nurse, I don't intend to dress like one.

All work and no play makes Kelly a dull person so I've been scheduling some fun activities. I met some friends from nursing school for dinner and drinks, Michael and I went to a Super Bowl Top Chef party, I've been reading books (real books for fun!) and we've been watching season 1 of 6 Feet Under. It's been good. The job thing is hanging over my head but I'm giving myself a few more days of decompression and life maintenance before I really kick the search into high gear. But today is about fun. I'm picking up Greg Plotner in the city and we're going to do some sightseeing before he heads to the airport. Today I get to stop and smell the roses and I'm grateful for the opportunity.

2.03.2010

Almost Wordless Wednesday...




This is my friend Janice from school who came over for dinner to join in our celebration of passing the NCLEX. I know the photo needs some editing but I haven't figured out how to do that yet. The champagne was nice and chilled and we had a good time. Cheers!

2.02.2010

2009 Recap...

As always, I'm late with posting so just ignore the fact that it's Feb. 2nd already. Technically, I started this on Jan. 10th.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?

Attended and graduated from an accelerated bachelors in nursing program. Learning that medicine has to have a special name for every bodily function. You can’t just say nose bleed you have to say “epistaxis.” Bed-wetting is “enuresis.” And gall bladder removal is “cholecystectomy.” I could go on and on about this but nursing school is pretty much all I did during 2009 so we’ll just leave it at that.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

They were more like goals than resolutions but I met most of them. My container gardening experiment went south when the damned squirrels started digging up all my plants despite my efforts to fence everything in. Stupid squirrels. I did not manage to make bread from scratch until last weekend and I had a bit of a bread fail. I’ll work on that. And we did go to Hawaii for Christmas, so check!

I did make 2 resolutions for 2010: no talking on the cell phone while driving (not even with my ear bud) and doing less multi-tasking. I make myself nutty with too much multi-tasking so it’s time to cut back a bit.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Yes.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Yes. I don’t want to talk about it.

5. What countries did you visit?

None. Again. But that was expected this year. I did however go to Atlanta and Hawaii and I rather enjoyed myself. Besides, with Hawaii, it feels like you’re going to another county because it’s unlike anywhere in the contiguous U.S. Even Florida. Florida may have palm trees but it does not have huge blobs of lava rock everywhere.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

Um, a job? Hello, Universe, it’s me again. I’m unemployed. Again. I need a job. Preferably one in California, please. Also, more time to read. And I don’t just mean textbooks and nursing journals. More Sundays spent reading the NYT drinking coffee with my husband.

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

There are many but in an attempt to focus on the more positive events, I’ll just note that 1/5/09 was the first day of school and 12/6/09 was my Pinning ceremony and 12/20/09 was my last day of preceptorship at the hospital.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

See #1.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Getting a B+ in Maternity. Ok, really, in the long run, not such a failure. That class was f’ing hard. In the beginning of the year, I had a hard time keeping grades and things in perspective. I started doing a better job of it in the fall. Maybe that had to do with the fact that I was tired of being in school and my can of care was running low.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

2 sinus infections and horrible neck spasms that rendered me pretty helpless while Michael was 2,000 miles away visiting his parents. That sucked.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Underwear that fits. Brand new sneakers for the first time in 5 years. What was I thinking?

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Michael. He has been a total rock star and I could not have made it through this year without him. Or any year, for that matter. Because he’s awesome.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Well, we finally rid ourselves of Bush but his wrongdoings live on. Also, the Republicans and Joe Fcking Lieberman. Seriously, why are you trying to sabotage health care reform? What the hell is wrong with you?

14. Where did most of your money go?

Since I was unemployed, I did not make any money. :<

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Our vacation. It was long overdue.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?

I don’t know. I’ll have to think about this one. Probably any song by Lady Gaga because she's always on the radio whenever I switch over to the music stations.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder? about the same
b) thinner or fatter? thinner
c) richer or poorer? I’m, like, negative poor. I’m in debt to the gov’t and the bank. Boo.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Leisurely reading but, hey, that was a pipe dream anyway. Unless I could suddenly learn to live on only 4 hours of sleep. Um, yoga. I really should have done more of that. Taking what blessedly few breaks from school that I had and really trying to relax instead of running a mile a minute to do life maintenance. Also, loving on my husband. And I don’t mean just the naked tango, people.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Freaking out about grades. Getting worked up by classmates who cheat because they won’t be able to cheat on the NCLEX. Good luck passing that one. And, as always, worrying. I worry about everything. It’s not always very helpful.

20. How will you be spending did you spend Christmas?

In Hawaii. We went on a walk down the coastline and watched the surfers for a bit. Later we went to a luau and had some pretty tasty food. The poi was okay. Pretty starchy. Also? Mai Tais are good. So is a well made pina colada.

23. What was your favorite TV program?

House. I love me some Hugh Laurie. Also, I particularly enjoy the Daily Show and the Colbert Report. It was easy to watch the occasional 21 min. show on the C C website without commercials. It was a nice little break from studying.

25. What was the best book you read?

Ha! 20 textbooks, maybe? Okay, I really only got to read, like, 2 books this year. I read Kitchen Confidential and loved it. Also, another book in the Outlander series, Drums of Autumn. Mostly I read the NYT. Even then I usually only got through the Style section and the magazine.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?

KCSM 91.1, the local jazz station. I just love the really mellow jazz they play from 6-9pm on weeknights.

27. What did you want and get?

To get through nursing school without losing my sanity. There were a few close calls. But also, I made some new friends. It helps make California feel more home-like when you have friends. Visits to the weekly farmers markets and if I couldn’t go, Michael did so we still got to eat really awesome fresh produce every week.

28. What did you want and not get?

Universal health care. A less effed up family. You can pick your nose and you can pick your friends but you can’t pick your family. Wait, I don’t think that’s how that’s supposed to go.

29. What was your favorite film of this year?

Nothing comes to mind. Well, I saw Spinal Tap again. But it goes to eleven.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I was 32 and I don’t remember. How sad.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Bountiful job offers at the end of school. Wow, I’m like a broken record here.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?

White scrubs which I do NOT recommend.

33. What kept you sane?

My husband and my friends and coffee and flannel sheets and baking. There was a lot of stress baking.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Hugh Laurie and Stephen Colbert. I can’t help it.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.

Don’t sweat the small stuff. Seriously. Worry a little less. Try to keep things in perspective. Always realize that there’s more than one point of view. Perception is reality. Not to take it personally when a schizophrenic calls you a dirty whore.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

I’m never any good at this. I never download new music and I mostly listen to NPR. I don’t know…something, something, something, poker face.