Great Sexist-pectations...
You know, it's 2008. Not the 1800s, not 1950 but 2008. I know that sexism is alive and well but recently I got smacked upside the head with it. Twice. Not in major, frontline news kinds of ways but the subtle little shitty ways that are so part of everyday life that most people don't even think about them.
The first time was at the bank. Michael and I went in to open new checking and savings accounts and I took the initiative and I told the banker what we wanted. And what did she do? She listed Michael as the primary on our jt checking. Why? Because he's the husband. He's the man and I am the lowly woman who does not get to be listed as the primary on the checking account. And I was so stunned by it that I didn't know what to say. Then she asked me where I worked and when I said I didn't she asked if I was a homemaker. A homemaker? Do people even do that anymore? I am a woman who happens to be a wife who isn't working and that makes me a homemaker? WTF, people?!? Why can't I just be unemployed? Why can't I just be a person who is not currently employed but is looking for a job. Why not ask me if I am a job seeker not a fcking homemaker?
The second time occurs when getting quotes for car and renter's insurance. I called the broker Michael used during grad school and the company with the most competitive quote wants a copy of our marriage certificate because we have different last names and need to prove that we are actually married. Now, this is not the broker's fault. But I did tell her how appallingly sexist this policy is and if the quote weren't so dang competitive, I would have asked for a quote from another company. I wouldn't mind if they applied this policy across to the board. If you insist that all couples provide a copy of their license, then fine. That's fair. But to single out people like us is total crap. And if it weren't for Michael's minor fender bender in the snow last year, I would go somewhere else but we just can't afford it. But, by Ogg, they are going to hear from me.
7 comments:
By Ogg, they should. Both of those are really stupid and sucky. Also, with the bank example... can they say STUDENT? Do they not know that far more women than men are pursuing post-college degrees of one type or another? Might you not be one of them! Oh, you might!
Something sort of in this category but sort of not: When I was trying to figure out when I was going to be a homemaker -- oh wait, I mean full-time student! -- J. checked to see if C*rn*ll would give me health insurance as his domestic partner. They wouldn't... unless I was a man. The benefits person he talked to had some sidelong indirect way of asking my gender, and when J. revealed I am in fact a woman, she said an unqualified no.
I'm not sure how I feel about that. Obviously, I fully support same-sex partner benefits, but why should I not be considered in the same way just because we're not the same gender?
Same thing happened to me when Todd checked about me getting on his insurance plan before we were married. I mean... I'm sure the explanation is that they only want to offer insurance to people who are married, and since same-sex partners can't get married, they are extending the benefit to them on the basis that if they COULD get married, they might be married. I think it's a matter of extending the marriage benefit to people who CAN'T get married as opposed to excluding you (and me) from benefits for anyone who lives together.
I'm with you on that! Although the whole insurance thing makes my IBS act up anyway but to add a little extra injustice to it makes me want to double-fist some Pepto.
Arg. You should bitch out the insurance company. That is freaking ridiculous. We get the same crap a lot since I didn't change my last name.
I had an infuriating experience at a wedding we went to on Friday night. On the favors at the table was "Scott G" and "Cara M". One of Scott's coworkers (who I now HET) said, "who's that?" I laughed and said, "me." He said he thought I had changed my name and didn't know "I was one of those types of women." I almost wanted to prove his feminazi assumptions right and kick him in the nuts on the spot. Assmunch.
Yeah, I've gotten that, too. It happened to me at work when they asked me if they needed to change my email acct and I was, like, "Hello? Have we met?" And they're all "oh, you're one of them." The dreaded "Them." Durr. I don't know why people still make such a big deal out of it. So, you got married--does that mean you have to change your identity?
Ok, I have to stop you there because not every woman who opts to take her husband's name can be accused of changing her identity. For me, I'd always hated my last name - nobody could ever spell or pronounce it, and it was the subject of much mocking all through school. I didn't think of my last name as part of my "identity," so changing it to Dave's was no big deal. I was actually really excited to finally have a somewhat conventional last name. But that's just me. I think it's a personal choice, and it really shouldn't matter what you choose. But it really bothers me to be called anti-feminist because I chose to change my last name.
Oh, and my cousin didn't take her husband's last name either, which was never a huge deal until they had a baby. Their little girl has her husband's last name, and she has to keep a copy of their daughter's birth certificate on her at all times in case she has to prove that she's her mother. Having a different last name than her daughter has been a problem at daycare, the doctor's office, all kinds of places. That made me glad I changed my name, because dude, what a hassle.
I should clarify: for me, changing my name would mean changing my identity. It's a part of who I am. What I reject is that too many people assume that you'll change your name when you get married even tho those of us who don't are still a minority. It's a personal choice for every woman (and now a few men!) but anyone who says you're anti-feminist b/c you didn't keep your name is just as bad as the others.
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