My luncheon with the Universe...
Me: What should I order...hmmmm....the portobella mushroom with goat cheese and roasted red peppers looks yummy...
Universe: No, I think you should order the shit sandwich platter.
Me: Shit sandwich platter? That doesn't sound tasty at all.
Universe: Waiter? This lovely lady here would like to order the shit sandwich platter. Chop, chop!
Me: Universe, what have I done to piss you off?
(Waiter brings platter of shit sandwiches, places platter in front of me)
Universe: Here, Kelly, have a shit sandwich. They sure are delicious, aren't they?
Me: Nom...nom...no, this is terrible! I would really rather have the portobella...
Universe: No, no, this is so much tastier. Here, have another...
Me: Nom...nom...this sucks...nom..nom...could I at least have the lemon curd tartlet for dessert?
Universe: No, you may have the shit tartlet. Eat up!
2 comments:
Oh no! I recommend wine. That is what I use to wash down such universe-dealt crap meals.
I shouldn't be laughing at your pain, but you're the one that made me laugh! Especially with the "platter" and the "nom, nom" and the "tartlet." I'm with Cara. Wash it down with something good. I would choose whiskey or iced coffee. That'd wash the shit taste right out.
Post a Comment